DEAR CHRISTINE: Should I tell in-law about my affair?
I NEED your advice really badly before I make a big mistake.
I am a very religious person in the Catholic Church, who also plays a great role in the church’s activities. In the eyes of everyone, I have an impeccable reputation. Although I am now a widow, my late husband’s family treats me with the utter respect and is also generous. My husband and I were married for 20 years.
I was very unhappy in the marriage and wanted to divorce him, but the man I was having an affair with was also married and was not prepared at that time to leave his wife for me.
Of course, I was very hurt and devastated when he refused to do so after promising me that he would. I considered myself to be “fortunate” when my husband died six years ago. We honestly did not have a good marriage. In fact, I had quite a number of affairs during our time together.
I am enjoying my freedom and still enjoy the wonderful relationship I have with my former husband’s family. Recently, however, I have been wondering if I should confide in my brother-in-law, who is about to get a divorce. I am wondering if I should tellmhim about my own affairs so he would not feel so badly about his own state of affairs. In fact,,I am wondering if by openingmup, we could have a closer relationship – not as lovers, but good friends.
Should I open my heart and confess to him? He thinks of me as a sister and close friend.
No, you should not! What’s in the past is in the past. Your brother-n-law and his family think of you as a sister/daughter and good friend because they are all under the impression that you were a faithful and loving wife to their brother/son.
If you decide at this time to shatter their illusion, it will affect the relationship you currently enjoy with them. If you are feeling the need to confess your sins, then speak to your spiritual Father – God.
While confession is always good for the soul and can bring significant release and mental freedom, in your case it can put you at a great disadvantage. Speak to the God who knows how to forgive and how to keep a secret. Your confession will be safe with Him.
I am not here to judge you, but I hope you will make better choices and be a faithful wife to your future husband, should you remarry. Living a lie and being unfaithful to your husband must have been be a hard and stressful thing to do.