DEAR CHRISTINE: Should I sleep with him after two dates?
I AM an attractive, single woman, and date quite often. I recently found a wonderful man whom I am quite interested in. We have dated only twice, and I would very much like to sleep with him. Would I lose my respectability if I do?
– SLEEPLESS IN BARBADOS
Dear Sleepless In Barbados
There are people who have sex with strangers they’ve known only five minutes, and they don’t feel that they have lost any “respectability,” while others would feel very guilty if they had sex before marriage, no matter how close they were to the other person. So it’s a personal decision.
My opinion is that people shouldn’t have sex until they have a romantic relationship. I’m not saying they have to be married, but they both should have strong feelings for one another. Can that happen after two dates? It’s possible, but what you are feeling could merely be lust, and you probably have no idea what he is feeling, though I’d bet it’s lust as well.
So I’d tell you to wait a while, until you both can admit to each other that this is a relationship that you would like to see go forward. It’s odd that people will take their clothes off and share intimate sex acts before they’d be willing to share their inner feelings for one another, but the libido, the urge for sex, is very strong and so can encourage sexual intercourse before very much verbal intercourse occurs.
But if you are concerned for your respectability, then waiting to share some romantic sweet nothings should be sufficient time to allow you to satiate your sexual desire without losing any respect for yourself.