DEAR CHRISTINE: A marriage of inconvenience
I BRING YOU GREETINGS and wish you a wonderful New Year. I’m hoping you can help me with a problem which has been causing me a measure of concern.
My boyfriend moved into my home, which I have owned for 12 years. This was three years into our relationship. About six months later, he accepted a job in another area of our country. Rather than stay constantly with me, he rented his own apartment and would come over on weekends.
We got married just over a year ago, but he never gave up his place. While he stays more than the weekend at times, he makes it a point of telling me what I should and should not do in the home; even when it comes to decor and design.
The house is in my name only. My husband, if I can call him that, does not contribute to the house or its upkeep. He uses all the supplies and never offers to pay for expenses. He gives me a cheque every month for less than half the utilities. Meanwhile, he earns a good salary.
Christine, where I reside is a very good place; however, my husband refuses to find a job much closer.
Meanwhile, I am paying for most of the expenses for the house, helping to look after my sick parents and working full-time. I believe he has no right to complain. Which one of us is right?
you are not in a marriage at all. You are in an arrangement where your “husband” is the main beneficiary and has indicated no plans to fully commit to you.
His failure to support you financially and emotionally must be addressed.
While he has no right to complain, neither do you have the right to do so. Rather, you should put your foot down and ask your husband to make the necessary adjustments if he is really committed to making this marriage work.
Seems right now he is along for a free ride – at your expense. Are you so hard up for married life that you are settling for nothing other than the best? Ask yourself this question and seek change.
I also wish you a wonderful New Year, filled with a lot more self-love and wisdom.