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DEAR CHRISTINE: Desperate to have children

Barbados Nation

DEAR CHRISTINE: Desperate to have children

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Dear Christine

I AM nearing the age of 40 but look way younger. My boyfriend and I have been together for 17 years and in almost all that time we have been trying to have a baby – without any success.

I am great with children and have a natural instinct when it comes to them. The only thing I have not done is carry and nurse a child. I have even helped to raise a good few children and will continue to do so. I have tried everything I can think of to help my situation. I have even called the fertility clinic and was informed that examinations and tests (alone) would cost hundreds of dollars. I was also told that if I wanted treatment it would cost thousands of dollars. I am not working at the moment, but my boyfriend does. We will never be able to afford this kind of treatment unless we win some kind of lottery.

I was even saying to myself if I had a big house, I would foster and adopt children who desperately need parents to love them. It hurts me to see children in need and be unable to assist them. I would also love to feel the joy of carrying and giving birth to a baby. This is all I’ve ever dreamed of. I wish there was someone out there who could assist me. I’ve never asked for anything in my life but this one thing.

Wanting To Be A Mother


Dear Wanting To be A Mother:

I have serious issues with your letter. First, you have been with a boyfriend for 17 years and there is no legal commitment. Second, you are not working. Children are not play toys. It takes lots of money to raise just one child. Third, you and your “boyfriend’ cannot afford a fertility test. How then can you afford to raise and support a child on a daily basis? Then there is the issue of just wanting to “feel the joy of carrying and giving birth”. Who fooled you into believing that pregnancy is a joy and giving birth is a piece of cake. It is not! Fourth, is this all you pray and dream about? Are you telling me that even though you are unemployed, you are not dreaming and praying for a job?

Sorry if I appear harsh, but I am very concerned about women who do not fully understand the spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, financial and other financial and other responsibilities of raising children.

Too many young people become “victims” of poverty, “ill-health” and insecurity. They also become a financial strain on government, only because irresponsible adults are not in a position to take care of them and the children end up on welfare.

I have to be frank and honest: I simply do not buy into your dream of becoming a mother.

You have seriously unrealistic ideas of what motherhood is all about.

My advice is that you find a job, quit dreaming about winning the lottery and legalise that relationship with your “boyfriend of 17 years” – if he also desires to do so.

It’s nice to hear how much you love and care about children. If you do not “carry one” there are hundreds waiting to be adopted. Just ensure you create the right atmosphere to make a child happy, healthy and financially secure.