DEAR CHRISTINE: Her man-bashing driving me crazy
I’LL DESCRIBE MYSELF as a cool brother, who loves music, reading, watching television, cooking and hanging out with the fellows from time to time. All these activities and interests are quite legitimate.
I love women folk and I respect women. After all, it was a woman who gave birth to me. I also like men – like buddies, I mean. I am not the bisexual type. In other words, I guess I am trying to say that I love all mankind – male, female, children and adults.
I am 45 years old and I am about to marry a woman who has been twice divorced. Christine, this woman is generally nice and I love her a lot. However, she has a habit which is causing concern.
She always seems to have something negative to say about men. Don’t get me wrong, I know there are occasions when she is right in what she is saying, but Christine, she hardly has anything good to say about men. I even wonder if she loves me as much as she confessed.
Anytime she hears or reads about a man who has got himself in trouble with drugs, gambling, womanising, crime of any sort, especially a man who is charged with rape, she says things like “all men are pigs”, “all men are dogs” and “typical male”.
To show how much she hates men, my friend recently purchased a dog. When I went to give it a pat on the back, my friend shouted: “Be careful. This dog does not appear to like men.”
Her response was: “That’s a smart dog you have there.” Think about it Christine, isn’t something terribly wrong here?
My intended is also not one to draw close to my male friends, her sons-in-law or even her brother, who lives a pretty “wild life” as a womaniser. She also loves to tell stories about how she was treated by men and spares no opportunity to call them “liars”, “cheaters” and “wuthless”.
I am having second thoughts about marrying her. She does not know this but each time she bashes men, she drives another nail into her own coffin.
I have told her all men are not the same. For example, I am honest, faithful and committed.
Christine, I am asking myself if this is the woman for me, especially since this will be my first marriage and her third.
Anyone who generalises generally lies, so you know your intended is not speaking the truth when she describes all men as “liars”, “cheaters” and so on.
It is quite clear she has had some pretty bad relationships. The fact that she is on to marriage No. 3 should be an indicator to you that something is terribly wrong with her. If she generally bashes men so much, what are her reasons for marrying one? You need to ask yourself that question.
However, if you decide to go ahead with the wedding (you’ll need plenty of prayers), you must first see to it that both of you receive professional counselling; perhaps from a female pastor, priest or counsellor. I don’t think she’ll want to receive counselling from a male, until she gets over her hang-ups about men.
So, if you really are smitten by this woman, make certain you don’t also get bitten by her. Get that counselling!