DEAR CHRISTINE: Wife still working with former lover
I HAVE BEEN married for 20 years. My wife and I have two children, aged 13 and 15.
I was not the best husband, especially during the past five years. I hardly supported the household, became controlling, critical, treated my family badly and stayed away from home for long hours. As a result, my wife developed a closer relationship with her boss, which led to an affair.
I was hurt by her unfaithfulness and asked her for a divorce. She said she was willing to reconcile, and so we are still together. My problem is, she still works the same place – with him – and they are not willing to find other jobs.
How can we rebuild our lives when they continue to share the same space on a daily basis? She is his personal assistant.
Should I demand this work relationship come to an end?
I commend you for speaking so honestly about yourself, but I don’t think you are in a position to make any demands on your wife. Her actions were the result of your actions. Both of you were wrong.
Also, bear in mind that her boss cannot be pulled into this current situation. In other words, you cannot ask him to leave his job either.
The person who must make a decision to leave (if she sees the need to) would be your wife. The ball’s in her court.
However, since finding a good job is not easy these days, don’t expect her to quit. Both of you must move on from that place of mistrust and vow your faithfulness to each other.
Your wife asked for a reconciliation and that should be enough proof that she wants the marriage to work.