DEAR CHRISTINE: Boyfriend can’t seem to accept my only son
I BELIEVE I have the most loving and amazing child any mother could hope for. My son is full of wisdom beyond his age. He does not know his dad so I am practically raising him on my own.
I believe my boyfriend of two years loves me. He is not financially stable and I understand that, so I do not pressure him for money or anything for that matter, since I am capable of looking after myself.
However, I do not think my boyfriend likes my son. He openly told me he cannot take my son. I was really down about it and I discussed this matter with him. I actually broke off the relationship because of his stand. In the end, he said he would try to bond with him. However, I know deep down inside, little has changed. After all, actions speak louder than words.
It pains me because he is my only child and he does not have a father. I am not trying to force my boyfriend to become his father, but rather, a father figure to whom he can look up.
My boyfriend has children of his own and I love them very much; I treat them as though they are my own. I love my boyfriend but I love my son more because I know boyfriends come and go. On the other hand, my son is here to stay. I want the best for my son.
Do you think I am overreacting? Do you think I expect too much from my boyfriend? Is there a possibility my boyfriend will grow to like my son or should I call it quits? Can you please give me your take on it?
I truly empathise with you. To directly answer your two main questions, let me state that I do not think you expect too much from your boyfriend. As to whether there is a possibility he will grow to love your son, I cannot truly say he will or he won’t.
What I can tell you is that if he cannot accept your son “front up”, then he may not be “the one” for you. You and your child are a package. No one goes into a store and purchases one shoe or glove. This man cannot say he loves you and wants to be with you, and not accept your child, as you have accepted his children as your own.
Quit trying to make him love your child. Real love must come from within. Don’t you think that two years is a mighty long time for him to come around to accepting and loving your offspring?
Deep down in your heart you know exactly what you must do for the best interest of your son. He needs someone who will not only accept him, but love, respect, care for and help him grow emotionally and spiritually.
In other words, put the needs of your son first.