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DEAR CHRISTINE: He’s back now I’m on my feet again

Barbados Nation

DEAR CHRISTINE: He’s back now I’m on my feet again

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Dear Christine,

PLEASE PRINT the following and give me some advice as well. I believe it could help other readers.

I am 23 years old and was previously involved with a man who, at the beginning of our relationship, was married. At the time, I was 17 and about to graduate from secondary school. I had no prior relationship with a man.

As our relationship progressed, his wife found out about us and divorced him. They had a child who was born in the midst of their divorce. I thought the split would send him flying to my arms.

However, that was not the case at all. Instead, he proceeded to sleep with everyone in a skirt who would give him the time of day. He denied our involvement with each other to everyone.

Even armed with this knowledge, I stayed for three years. In the process I lost everything – family, friends, jobs, just about everything I cherished. More important, I lost sight of myself, my goals, and the person I once thought I was.

I thought if I loved him enough, he would change. Well, it didn’t happen. What did happen was he got someone pregnant and lived with her for a year and a half. It was the last straw for me. I packed up, jumped ship, and regained my life.

I stopped dating for a long time, found the best job I’ve ever had, and am back in school working on my degree. I am living on my own, and my life is better now than it’s been in years.

Recently, he left that other woman and has begun to better himself. He has a good job now and has matured a lot in the last five years. We have been talking, and he tells me that he loves me and has asked me to marry him.

Although he and I have been talking, I haven’t told anyone in my family or my friends. I know they would not accept him.

Christine, I’m afraid of the outcome. I thought I had closed this chapter in my life, but now I’m not so sure.

I always wanted to marry the first man I had ever been intimate with, and he seems genuine this time around. Should I give him a second chance? I know he put me through hell, and I’m leery of repeating it. Should I try again and hope it all works out?

– L.A.


Dear L.A,

Absolutely not! You need to keep this man out of your life and remember the hurt, pain, humiliation, job, friends and family you lost, all because of him.

You must also recall the fact that he has fathered two children [that you are aware of] from two different women. That’s a lot of baggage you’ll be dragging along.

You’re on the right road now. Keep moving and don’t ever look back. In fact, you should lose all contact with him. You’ll be better off starting a new life for yourself and finding someone who can truly love, care and respect you.

Please, don’t repeat the same mistake twice.