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DEAR CHRISTINE: Hubby’s strange ways has wife doubting future


DEAR CHRISTINE: Hubby’s strange ways has wife doubting future

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Dear Christine,

MY NAME IS F.L. I am not from your country, but I do live here with my husband (if I can call him that) and our son.

I married my husband, whom I truly love, just over six years ago. In fact, he was my first love and the first man with whom I actually had a sexual relationship. I am 32 and he is 40 years old.

While we were making plans to get married, my then husband-to-be gave me a fair amount of money to help with the wedding plans. He looked after the wedding ceremony and reception, which were attended by 25 guests only. This was the case due in large part because since we were both from other regions, our families did not see the necessity to travel the long distance for the wedding ceremony. However, they visited during the Christmas season of that year.

My husband and I met while we were both studying. We now have a beautiful son and I am expecting my second child (a daughter) in a few months. We both work and pay a decent mortgage.

Christine, my husband is what I can call “a strange man”. For all the years we have been married, I have only received $250 each month from him.

I am the one who spends the money on our son. I am also doing all the things I used to do when I was single – like make my car payments, pay for car insurance, clothing, some food, gas and everything we need for the house, such as furniture, carpets, curtains, linen and so forth.

My husband has a better job than I do. He has his own car, pays most of the mortgage (I still pay a somewhat small share) and he pays for the utilities.

He has never brought me or his son gifts for our birthdays. Through the years, we have also only ever celebrated our first wedding anniversary. As far as birthdays go, each year, I give him a birthday gift.

On two occasions, he has paid for his parents and siblings to visit us here on the island, but not once have we travelled together as husband and wife. When I ask, he says “soon” or “maybe next year”. Next year is yet to come.

While I love my husband, I am having second thoughts about our future together. Am I being paranoid about this whole situation, or am I ignoring the red flags that keep popping up before me?

– P.L.

Dear P.L.,

I am tending to lean more on the latter. Yes, there are red flags you appear to be ignoring. Your husband’s treatment of you is not in keeping with someone who truly loves and appreciates his wife.

Here you are on one hand purchasing gifts for his birthday, but he does not reciprocate. He hardly gives you any money for yourself and has never taken you abroad. Yet, he sees it fit to invite his family to your home. Something just is not right.

Have you tried speaking to him? There seems to be a communication problem and a clear misunderstanding of what is expected from both of you as “heads of the home”.

I honestly do not see a solution or change to your situation, without you two having a specific dialogue about the whole subject of managing financial affairs, obligations and the roles you are expected to play as partners.

This is something you will both have to work at together – especially since there is another child on the way.

Talk to your husband. Share your thoughts and concerns with him. Perhaps things will improve.


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