HE IS A PART-TIME employee of sorts, but a full-time woman beater.
And the latest victim of his heavy hands is not taking it lightly.
He was asked by his girlfriend to take some pictures at a funeral, so he turned up, armed with camera and pretty talk.
In her moment of sorrow and bereavement, she never expected that he would have tried to kill her with a price tag. Actually, she thought he was doing it for free.
But lo and behold, in came a whopping bill from the man with a Christian name similar to that of a West Indies pacer of the 1970s. She protested. Who tell she to do that!
With her neck well secured in one arm, he lunged for her underbelly with the other and “pelt hand” till she agreed to cough up every cent. When he released her, she fell flat on the floor of the luxury home given to her by a construction wannabe, and the father of almost nine, left.
Stay tuned, this one will be hotter next week.
Horror of a secretary
PARENTS SAY they want to lodge a complaint with Pudding & Souse and it has to do with a less-than-friendly school secretary.
They say child after child has come home, some in tears, complaining about the way the secretary, who seems to think that the school is hers, carries them along.
She is so uncouth that they believe the headmaster, who must know about the uncouthness, has no choice but to act to bring a semblance of sanity to her way of dealing with the students.
She shouts at them so loudly that students in the parking lot can comfortably hear her voice bellowing all the way out there.
Parents say that at a time when there is so much light being put on schoolchildren, someone should stop this loose cannon before the situation gets worse.
Fistful of assets
AFTER ALL the necessary preparations were made for surgery, he changed into his gown and was wheeled into the operating theatre, but what nurses found was very different to what the CT scan had found.
They found contraband hidden in the palm of his hand, but the scan showed an internal problem.
Observers say that staff realised something was afoot after the patient kept his fist clenched so tightly that they thought it was the area of concern for the doctors.
It’s only when alert nurses asked him to declare his assets that he unclinched his fist and surrendered his earthly belongings.
Security swore that it’s habits like this of some patients that cause them to fear for their lives while on some wards.
‘Man rat’ causes stir
IT WAS A RAT unlike any other, and it seemed to know it was the centre of attention.
Bright and early that morning it sprinted into the supermarket and, in a hurry, security was on its tail. But holding him down for the count was no mean feat.
Cashiers were screaming and running, some big hardback men were standing on counters in fear as the “man rat” sprinted by.
One all-mouth man was heard saying: “Wuh he almost as big as me.”
Management took a decision to close the supermarket and hunt down the beast, but only a few volunteered to join the search party.
Hours after, the supermarket’s superman killed it and the doors reopened to business, but not before Ms Goody Two Shoes declared: “I never see nuttin so big in my life.”
