I CONFESS: No luck with Bajan women
I AM A man in my early 50s and have been in relationships with a number of women previously and must state that I find that a lot of Barbadian women are disgusting in their behaviour towards men and they often bring dirty habits to the relationships. I am a born and bred Bajan, but must admit that I have found women from some of the other Caribbean islands much more loving, understanding and respectful to men.
I feel at this stage in my life I need to settle down and have opted for a nice attractive woman from another place to call my own. I hope that Bajan women pull up their socks and stop trying to make like difficult for their countrymen who do so much to improve their lives.
Ten years ago, I was in a relationship with a woman who was three years my junior and while at first it seemed as if it was a match made in heaven it turned out to be nothing more for me than a visit from the high priestess of evil. This woman when dressed and making the rounds, whether at work, in The City out at a social activity or even at church, looked and came across as a darling princess.
It all seemed so perfect until we started to live together in what would hopefully have led up to our marriage. I am thankful that the trial live-together suggestion came along and we gave it a try. It may have helped me to keep my sanity or from being involved in some serious domestic violence issue – regardless of which end of the curve I would have come out.
This woman was domineering in the extreme. After we cleaned the house, she would insist that I go relax in the garage since she did not want me in the house I was paying for. She would complain non-stop on Friday night and all Saturday about not cooking, saying that was something her mother did and look where it got her.
She complained about not travelling every time she heard one of her girlfriends was going overseas. She wanted me to go with her to all the events or activities in which she had an interest but would never accompany me to those things I had an interest in.
She suffered headaches almost every week and sexual intercourse was always a problem. She would get up on mornings and by nightfall would still be wearing the same clothing and her hair would be looking to same way, usually in curlers or with a head band. She never believed in making up the bed, saying that it could be done before we went to bed.
What brought the relationship to a head was the insults she would hurl at me in the presence of her siblings and close friends, suggesting that I was cheap, mean and nothing to compare with a former lover of hers. That lover, who was a popular man in Barbados, had told her at a wedding reception of a friend of hers that we attended together that she was not a woman of worth and that he was glad to be far away from her.
He and the lady with him, having been assigned to the same table as we were, promptly got up and left. Before I packed my bags and left, she never mentioned his name again. Our relationships lasted three years.
I subsequently became involved with another Bajan woman whom I found interested in material things, drawing up at my parents’ house and trying to determine where I should go and what I should do. We had problems very early as she decided I should not have my friends over, as had been my custom, nor should I visit them and chill out as I had done for many years. What really bothered me was that if she was upset she would call me, carry on and then drop the telephone in my ears. I must admit that I tolerated her bad behaviour and outrageous ways because of the sex.
She was a free spirit who did almost any and everything I wanted when it came to sex. But I did not see in her a homemaker or someone who shared my vision and had the same emphasis on family which I place on this aspect of relations.
On the other hand, I met a young lady from Guyana who has turned out to be a Princess Charming. She has been understanding and appreciative and willing for us to work together to achieve our objectives.
She keeps a very tidy house, cooks a range of meals and has even learnt to stir both cornmeal and breadfruit cou cou, while introducing me to a range of her native dishes. She is frugal and she has accepted my relatives as much as I have accepted hers.
We got married two years ago. I had two children now in their late teens from previous relationships while she has a child not yet a teenager from a previous relationship as well. She is 12 years my junior nearing the end of her child-bearing age and recently gave birth to a wonderful daughter. She suggested and I agreed that the offspring be named after my sister and her sister.
We are hoping for another child by the end of this year. As a non-Bajan she has found it difficult to find a job working in Barbados, but has been very thrifty. She has started three different businesses, putting a vehicle I had to productive uses. I know she does better financially than if she was working for someone.
We find time to do a few things together, even though her businesses keep both of us under pressure, and at the same time she is always pressing to improve our house, which I feel is now a home. It is always kept clean. She calls to see how I am doing at work and will at times bring lunch so we can spend my lunch time together, especially when I am working the evening shift.
There are no constant headaches when she is at home and she always looks presentable, indeed very appealing, and often wears clothes she has made or altered. I do not feel inclined to ever get into any domestic dispute.
My situation is not unique because a number of other friends with non-Bajan wives or girlfriends speak of the superior treatment and friendship in their relationships.