DEAR CHRISTINE: He’s trying to put the blame on me

Dear Christine,

Recently I told my husband of 15 years – four of which he has been unfaithful and abusive to me – that I think he should leave, get on with his life and leave me out of a love triangle.

I thought I was giving him the easy way out. But now he is behaving as if I am at fault. He told the children that I wanted to get rid of him to bring in another man. Then he is also telling his buddies that I am mean and cold to him.

Christine, after the first two affairs he had, I foolishly gave him a chance but that was of no use. To make matters worse, he said that he wanted me to understand that when we got married he was young and didn’t have enough time to do “bachelor stuff”.

After his two affairs and when I thought everything was going well, a young woman almost half my age boldly told me via the phone what he was up to. The man would go so far as to tell me he had work to do. He even had his supervisor covering for him.

Now he comes in any hour he feels like and spends his spare time on the phone and Internet. He acts as if the children are mine only.

At times I feel Ionly have myself to blame because from things he said in the past, “Bajan women are very easy to get once a guy knew what to say to them but unfortunately they don’t know how to keep a man interested in them for too long”. He also added that foreign womenknew how to treat men like kings.

Christine, I have learnt my lessonand I hope that other women, me included, would learn to love themselves before getting involved in a relationship including marriage.

– J.B.

Dear J.B.,

I pray that you are already on the mend as it ought to be now you recognise the cruel, unfaithful fraud you had as a husband. It’s bad enough being unfaithful but to defend himself the way he has is cowardly.

Try to put all those hurtful things behind you. They don’t deserve a place in your mind. Appreciate the blessing that is now before you – free yourself from an unfaithful and rude husband.

Don’t let the past hamper your future or make you lose confidence in all men. I’m sure they all don’t think as he claims they do.

Hopefully a good man will come along but if that isn’t to be you will be free of the burden of an unfaithful one.

– CHRISTINE