DEAR CHRISTINE: In love with a man three times my age
DEAR CHRISTINE: I AM A 13-YEAR-OLD female dating a 40-year-old man.
We are not sexual, he said we wouldn’t do anything of the sort until I’m at least 18. I agree with him. I am truly in love with him.
Whenever I’m around him I get butterflies in my stomach. He is my other half. I don’t know what to do though because he is 27 years older than me.
Is it wrong that we are dating?
– SO IN LOVE
Dear So In Love,
You know that it’s wrong or you wouldn’t be writing to me. But we all do things that are “wrong” even though we know they’re wrong.
Ever since the Garden of Eden, temptation has been a constant problem. But rarely does giving into temptation come without consequences. So what might be the consequences of you continuing to date a 40-year-old man?
First of all you’ll have to be sneaking around because if your parents found out, you can be sure they would do everything possible to put a stop to it. And that would drive a wedge between you and your parents.
Your friends will find it creepy to be hanging out with a 40-year-old man, so that will drive a wedge between you and your friends. And so instead of sharing all the ups and downs of your teen years with your family and friends, you’ll end up isolated with this man.
And while this older man may have things to offer you that boys your own age don’t, like more money, a car, his own place, etc., you have to wonder what you are offering him.
To start off with, he’d have to give up sex for five years, since it would be illegal. His friends (assuming he has any) would find it totally weird and not want to hang out with the two of you. So why is he dating you?
My educated guess is that he has a psychological problem. A serious psychological problem. He is probably attracted only to young girls. And a man with a serious psychological problem may say that he will never have sex with you until you’re 18, but I would say he’s not to be trusted on that point.
He may wait several months, but I would say that he will try to lure you into bed.
Once this affair has driven a wedge between you and all those you’re close to and you’re feeling isolated and alone, you’ll be very vulnerable and he’s probably going to be successful at getting you to have sex with him because you won’t want to risk losing the only person with whom you’d be close. This is how men like this typically operate.
So if you keep seeing this man, this is going to end badly for you.
You could end up ruining your life. So don’t be tempted by what this man has to offer but instead listen to your conscience (which is what led you to write to me) and even though it’s going to hurt you for a while, tell this man that you don’t want to see him any more. And if you have any problems getting him to back away, all you have to do is tell your parents.
They’ll be more relieved that you told them than angry, believe me, and with their backing you’ll be able to free yourself if he won’t take no for an answer.