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DEAR Christine: Unwilling to face my ex’s lover


DEAR Christine: Unwilling to face my ex’s lover

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DEAR CHRISTINE, I’m a widow, who is attractive and very active. I hate the thought of being alone so that when I met “Tom”, I felt things would be great between us. I am 62 and he is 70 years old.

We have known each other for five years and he is a polished gentleman.

Our friendship went to a new level and we became intimate in the process. Like me, he has lost his partner and has one son. I also have a daughter who lives in another country.

To cut a long story short, I asked this wonderful man if he was looking for a committed relationship. He said in all certainty he was not and that he was already involved with another person. That broke my heart and I have been crying for days since then.

He still calls but I no longer go out with him, even though I am still very much in love with him.

One of my good friends is throwing a party soon and has invited “Tom”. She knows we are no longer together but she decided to invite him since we were a “hit”, so to speak. However, I understand that “Tom” has plans to bring his new-found friend. He has already said to me he is not interested in marriage or being in a committed relationship.

My question is, should I go or turn down the invitation? I’ll like to ask him not to turn up with his new love, but that may be asking for too much. Should I also have pity on this woman whom he will probably dump as soon as he is tired with her? What should I do?


Dear Dianne,

You can go to the party, enjoy yourself and have pity for Tom’s friend and for Tom – all in one. I believe you are in a better place even though you may not see it now. It was best that you knew where you stood with Tom than to be at a place where you keep waiting for him to make that commitment. Who knows, you may meet Mr Right at the party, and it still won’t be Tom.

I hope you get the message.