DEAR CHRISTINE: Stepdad’s crush gone bad

DEAR CHRISTINE: I SEEM TO be stuck in a situation that is causing me a measure of concern. My wife and I have been married for the past 10 years but I find myself falling in love with her 25-year-old daughter from her first marriage.

She can be considered a happy soul and is quite fun to be around. She is also beautiful and married. I have had feelings for her for a long time and her mum, my wife, seems to think I have a crush on her, which I absolutely have. I must say thank God she does not know how much of a crush I have on her.

One day, I decided to take the bull by the horn and I invited her out to lunch. We work close enough to each other, so I did not consider it a big deal. Everything was going fine. We talked about a number of things before I started to tell how much I loved her and cared about her.

From the moment I did, she said she was shocked and embarrassed. She said not only that she saw me as a stepfather, but that she herself was also married and she found the whole situation to be distasteful. In short, she got up from the table during the main course of the meal and walked right out the restaurant. She said she had nothing more to say to me.

A few days later I called and apologised, but she would have nothing to do with me. Thinking that I could still see her, I told her the offer was still open. She did not respond to a gift which I sent her and now she hardly speaks to me. The last thing she told me was that I was stupid and ignorant to believe that she would go against her mother or her husband for my sake.

I asked her if we could be friends, but she said, “No.”

What can I do to mend this friendship?

– MB

 Dear MB:

You should have quit when you were still ahead. When you decided to take the bull by the horn, you should have harnessed the bull as well.

It is very clear to her right now that you are the kind of man who would cheat on her mother. She can no longer trust you and that is not a nice place to be. You further compounded the situation by telling her the “offer was still open”. What offer? Were you in your right mind when you did that?

Stop sitting around thinking that this young woman – your stepdaughter – will ever see you as anything other than the “stupid and ignorant” person she described you as. You have created a rift in the family and the least you can do right now is hope she forgives you.

You will never be “lovers” as a result of your obsession and having made a fool of yourself, but perhaps with time she may see you again as her stepfather even though your inappropriate feelings are way out in the open.

Time is the key right now so maybe as time passes you’ll be able to have a better relationship with your stepdaughter.

– CHRISTINE