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YUH GAWH BE KIDDIN’: Goashemels lurking everywhere


YUH GAWH BE KIDDIN’: Goashemels lurking everywhere

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DEAR FRIENDS, it pains me to have to write on an epidemic which is causing distress in our day-to-day lives.

The epidemic that I speak of is the rise of the goashemel.

What is a goashemel you may ask? It is a hybrid, a combination of a goat, sheep and a camel.

It is a person who has surpassed the allotted amount of ignorance and stupidity for any one human being.

Goashemels are everywhere and are seldom detectable until they begin to speak.

If you are conducting a transaction with someone and you offer them 50 per cent but they say: “Nah you can’t trick me, I want half,” then that person is a goashemel.

If a child is on a basketball court barefoot and scruffy in the night time while the mother is dressed in the latest and going to every cruise like she is in the Coast Guard, then she is a goashemel.

If you are driving and the man behind you decides to overtake even though a car is coming at a high speed, and the only reason he made it in was because you pressed brakes, then he is a goashemel!

In the schools

The real issue isn’t that they exist, because the world needs a variety of people so that life would be interesting. The real issue is that they are multiplying at alarming rates and creating little goashemels, so now they are also in the schools.

So how do we stop it?

I propose we implement a written test which will determine if you are allowed to reproduce or not once you reach a particular age.

Questions for test

Here are some of the questions that should be on the test:

Underline the correct word in the brackets

1) The boys picked up (they’re, there, their, dere) toys.

2) What is Barbados’ national dish (cou cou & flying fish, macaroni pie and chicken, ramen)

3) If you are in the sea and the rain falls what should you do? (Nothing, get out and find shelter so you don’t get wet.)

If they fail this test they are to be neutered or spayed immediately and a stamp placed on their foreheads which says: “Not to be duplicated”.

Goashemels threaten to turn Barbados into an uneducated, slave- to- social-media, follow-blindly-without- holding-our-leaders-accountable kind of society, and we must not let this be!

Play your part in saving Barbados by educating your neighbourhood goashemel today.

I am Toni-Ann “Acka” Johnson. Love, peace and Mazola Corn Oil.