DEAR CHRISTINE: Tired of husband shutting me out of his life

CHRISTINE, MY HUSBAND has not made love to me for the past four months. We still sleep in the same bed but we are like parallel lines – we never meet. I am deeply hurt and I tried to find out why he has gone off me but he just ignores me.

He is always cross and ready for a quarrel so I keep quiet. When I am alone, I cry and get very depressed. We have two lovely children, who are now young adults. They do not cause any problems. I do not want to do anything to upset them.

I discussed my husband’s behaviour with a good friend and she advised me to get a man. This I cannot and will not do. I still feel there is some way for me to solve this problem.

I am a one-man woman and I don’t want sex with any other man but my husband; neither do I want sex every day and night. I just want my husband to take me in his arms and kiss me and tell me and show me that he still loves me. After all, I am his wife.

Christine, do you think I should pack and go home to my parents? I know they would love to have me but if I go back to them, I will have to tell them why, so I guess I’ll have to stay put.

I am so lonely and unhappy and don’t know how much longer I can stand this. If he has found someone else, he should be man enough to let me know.

I feel he is involved with another woman because of his behaviour towards me. Sooner or later I’ll have to do something about it. I cannot continue to live in the same house with a man who just ignores me.

He spends very little time at home. He goes out most evenings and returns very late. I go to work and I go to church – that’s it. He is always too tired to take me anywhere.

I have never been unfaithful to him, but I am only human. It is said that women can hold out longer than men. Well, a lot of time has gone by and I have my doubts. I believe he is seeing another woman.

– H.F.

Dear H.F.,

The more I read your letter, the more I feel you are at that point where you simply do not know what to do. It’s not just about sex, but your husband’s general attitude. He gets angry, he ignores, he goes out every night and he hardly says a word to you – even when you are in bed together.

You are right in stating that you do not want another man in your life. Please, do not choose that route.

See if you can get your husband to open up about his feelings and actions towards you. If there is no communication, you are bound to make assumptions which may not be entirely true.

If you cannot get him to talk, then write him a letter letting him know what you are going through and what you are feeling at the moment. Just as you have a right to know why he is doing what he’s doing, you too have a right to tell him how you are feeling.

Don’t throw in the towel just yet; perhaps with better communication skills you can give your marriage another go. Stop relying on assumptions.

– CHRISTINE