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YUH GAWH BE KIDDIN’: No plans to fall down again


TONI-ANN JOHNSON

YUH GAWH BE KIDDIN’: No plans to fall down again

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WUNNUH EVER EXPERIENCE life in slow motion, a moment that only you experience?

A few years, back I was at UWI on the cricket field doing some plyometric drills; yuh know jumping over and onto boxes, hurdles, ladder drills, sprinting around cones and all.

The exercises had me feeling invincible, as though I was superhuman, as though I could leap tall buildings in a single bound. Anyway, part way through the session, we had a water break, so myself and a few others went to the cooler to fill up with some water.

So you know we all walking with our shoulders squared and chests up, stomachs tucked in because everyone is around.

On our way back to the pasture, a few of the others that were ahead of me stepped over the chains that lined the cricket field.

So I tell myself that I don’t have to step over no chains, stepping over is for mere humans whereas I am an athlete, who does plyometrics at that! So I decided to gracefully hop over the chains with all of my athletic prowess.

World froze

My front foot cleared the rope, but just as I thought I was clear, I felt my back foot caress the chain aggressively. Now it was at this point that the world froze and I asked myself: “Self, you about to fall down?”

I looked around and saw that everyone else was frozen, then I looked down and saw the chain deceitfully restraining my foot, then I said: “Yes, yes, you are about to fall.”

In that moment, all I could do was throw the water bottle out of my hand and watch as water flew from it and slowly landed on blades of grass.

As soon as the bottle hit the ground, the world resumed its normal speed and before I could blink, I hit the ground like a wet duck in a dry pond. I landed face first, rolled over onto my back, sat up and bent one knee, rested my elbow on that said knee and the hand under my chin and all that was left to say was: “Dah ain’t now happen.”

If yuh doubt me, ask me. I never fall down so hard since and I ain’t plan to.

Yuh see this thing called falling down? That is only for people of a certain age when yuh bones strong. I believe that once you hit 25 years old there should be no more falling down, you may trip or stumble, but you should never fall. Lord knows I’m past the age of falling down.

I am Toni-Ann “Acka” Johnson. Love, peace and Mazola Corn Oil.

Toni-Ann Johnson is an actress versed in the area of comedy.Email [email protected]

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