DEAR CHRISTINE: Pregnancy causing tension in marriage
MY HUSBAND AND I are in our mid-20s and are expecting our first child. This is no casual thing for us. We planned it and we’ve both made great preparations.
We made sure we both wanted a child; that we could afford one and that we were prepared to assume the responsibility that being a parent involves.
Well, now that the baby is due is less than eight weeks, my husband and I have been having more misunderstandings and quarrels than we have ever had since our marriage.
I should think it would just be the opposite. I imagine this would be the time of maximum closeness. We’re both on edge and tend to leap down each other’s throats for no reason.
I’ve gone home to my mother twice because I felt I just had to get away from the tension.
You are experiencing the beginning of a new period of adjustment in your life and in your marriage.
What is happening is not at all that unusual. Both you and your husband are under pressure despite your well-made preparations.
It’s a new experience for both of you and there is bound to be some fear and anxiety.
The more you can share with your husband – both your anticipation and your fears – the better. This is not a good time to be running home to your mother. This will only make your husband feel alienated. After all, you are the one who is carrying the baby. Unconsciously, this may be making him feel pushed out already.
Include him now and all during the baby’s early years. He needs to feel a part of what you have together. Parenting can, and should, be a joy as well as a responsibility.