YUH GAWH BE KIDDIN’: We need more house rules
I WAS ON FACEBOOK the other day and I saw a video of a man who wanted to take gum from off the bottom of his shoe. He proceeded to put his shoe, that he walk bout outside wid, in a ziplock bag and put it in de freezer for a while and then peeled off the gum.
In the freezer? Listen my mother would kill me; the only places shoes were allowed to go were the oven and the back of the fridge to dry off after yuh walk home in de rain.
Yuh see, de house had rules when I was growing up things like no bouncing balls in de house and no running in de house, and if you broke those rules you had to deal with the consequences.
I remember a time back whenI was in primary school, I had just come home from hanging out with my only friend at the time, Donna Brathwaite. I was so fussy’ cause she was older than me and took time to play with the scrawny newbie in de neighbourhood. She was like my guardian angel.
Anyway, she walk me back home after hanging out by her one Saturday. When I get to de front door and kick off my slippers, cause another rule was no shoes in de house, I shout out “mummy I’m home, Donna wants to say hi”. I wid my excited self thought that mummy needed to come to the front door right away so I run through the house, took a right and went to sprint straight to her bedroom.
The only problem was that when I pivot to sprint up the hallway my right foot slipped and for some reason the ground was getting closer to my face and I didn’t understand why, it was only after I found myself in a painful horizontal position that I realised I fell down. If you doubt me ask me, look I hit like a wet duck in a dry pond but I dare not cry ’cause Donna was there.
My mother came running out and realised that my hand was not supposed to be in the position it was in. In between words of comfort and being told by the doctor in Accident and Emergency that my arm was fractured, my mother said, “hard ears yuh won’t hear, own way yuh gine feel.”
From that day on I never broke another house rule. Who knows, maybe if dem had more house rules duh would have less vandalism and more respect of public property, but don’t mind me caw I foolish so.
I am Toni-Ann “Acka” Johnson. Love, peace and Mazola Corn Oil.
• Toni Johnson is an actress versed in the area of comedy. Email: [email protected]