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DEAR CHRISTINE: Don’t want to hurt my married man


DEAR CHRISTINE: Don’t want to hurt my married man

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DEAR CHRISTINE, AFTER BREAKING UP with my boyfriend two years ago I became very reserved. It is only recently that I started sneaking around with a man who is older than I am and married with two children.

The matter got to his wife’s ears and they started bickering. He left home and went to live with his sister, but soon after his wife went to the solicitor to arrange for a divorce.

When he heard about this he went back home. He has convinced me that he has done this for the children’s sake and not because he cares for her.

I felt frightened at the time because it was her intention to name me as the cause of her seeking a divorce. I was glad that nothing came out of it because as much as I care for him I would not like to be involved in such a scandal.

We are a very well respected family and this would have brought shame to our heads. I tried my best to stop seeing him after this but he still comes around some evenings.

There are times I feel happy that I will be seeing him, then at other times I think it would be much better if we broke up altogether. I even had the chance of another job which he urged me to refuse. I did and now I am sorry because it means I have to go on seeing him daily since we work in the same firm.

I suspect you are going to tell me to find the courage to think about myself and my future, but I am too soft-hearted. How can I get out of this without hurting him?

– PN

Dear PN,

The question is why should you stay in this situation and hurt yourself and his wife? Rather than telling you to think about yourself, I would like you to think of this man’s wife.

By encouraging or not discouraging him you are causing him to cheat on his wife.

If working together poses a temptation, try again for another job and go this time. He cannot force you to stay. When he calls say “No” and go on saying it until he realises that you mean it.

At present you are not only maiming a marriage, you are missing your own chances of meeting someone who is free to care for, and probably marry you, so that you can have a real home and family of your own.

Ending this affair is what your conscience tells you to do, and for your own future’s sake it is the only sensible thing for you to do.