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YUH GAWH BE KIDDIN’: Caan please everybody


YUH GAWH BE KIDDIN’: Caan please everybody

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BAJANS IS SOME of de hardest people to please. If you doubt me ask me.

I got a friend who was single from before dem had flat screen TVs. The last time she was in a relationship de BLP was in power. And all she friends and family asking is “When yuh gine get married” and “Look, don’t tek too long, next ting yuh know um gine turn into KLIM”.

But she made the mistake and got in a relationship, now all yuh could hear is, “She feel like she is a woman, disgracing de family and ’bout de place wid de man like she ain’t had nuh proper up bringing”. I tell you, yuh can’t please Bajans.

Nuh water

Den fuh de whole year we ain’t had nuh rain and poor St Joseph ain’t had nuh water. Furthermore I don’t even think certain parts got water all now. Things suh brown that some people does have to schedule baths and ration toilet usage.

Then the good Lord blessed us with plenty rain the other day and all I could hear is people complaining ’cause dem had plans to guh town and de rain stop dem.

Dem had clothes on de line and de rain wet it. (Place blank stare here) As though they forgot that just a few weeks ago the earth was frying out for moisture and them theirselves were crying out because of dehydration.

Despite the above examples of the inability to please Bajans, there is one moment that we have all encountered no matter our age. From a child, when our parents’ friends see us or other family members, the first thing they say is that yuh get tall or big. As though we were meant to remain the same size fuh the rest of our lives like little dolls found in a toy store.

Then when yuh get older it is the next extreme.

As somebody that ain’t see you in a while rest eyes on you, yuh gine hear, “you get fat” as if yuh ain’t living, growth is a part of life and I don’t think they need to point out the obvious.

Or if yuh cut from the small breed side, yuh gine hear how bony yuh get and if water settle in yuh collar bone yuh gine get dengue ’cause dem deep and yuh want worming.


Now if after hearing this you decide to either put on or lose weight, please believe that these same persons will complain that you are getting too big or small.

Look, bottom line is live for you ’cause yuh would never please everybody.

I am Toni-Ann “Acka” Johnson. Love, peace and Mazola Corn Oil.

Toni Johnson is an actress versed in the area of comedy. Email: [email protected]