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I CONFESS: Women don’t know they’ve got it good


BARBADOS NATION

I CONFESS: Women don’t know they’ve got it good

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SOME WOMEN ARE fortunate and they don’t even know it. They have achieved what so many other women crave but are unable to get no matter how hard they try.

I speak of having a solid bond with an individual of the opposite sex. A man who you adore and enjoy; someone with whom you can honestly share your dreams and fears; with whom you can have children and work together to accomplish goals; and someone who at times can drive you crazy with his actions, whether it is always leaving the toilet seat up or paying more attention to his car than you.

I can say this now because I am mature enough to understand that life is more than just about what I want for myself. It is more than my personal career and material success.

Yes, my big salary, attractive two-storey house and sleek car are great, but at the end of the day they are no more than creature comforts. They are just objects. They cannot console and soothe me after a rough day, or on receiving bad news, or when I just need someone I trust to talk with and lay my head against their chest, or to curl up with and sleep.

What I found amazing was that my five single, successful girlfriends have come to a similar conclusion on their own.

Recently at a breakfast we all got to talking and the conversation swung to regrets and this thread of thought came out, especially as each of us was being introspective. It was unbelievable.

There we were – a collection of senior managers and business owners and by Barbadian standards, successful women – and yet we each readily admitted that something precious was missing from our lives. And that elusive priceless commodity is a quality relationship.

The thing is that before that morning we often joked that there are no more good men available. We said this because between the five of us we have not been able to find a man worthy of us.

Not that we don’t get suitors. We get plenty – of course many are married, some are just looking for a good time, and others are “pretty boys” who basically want you to support them for being intimate with you.

But, for the most part, to find our equals is a real challenge because it seems that men in general don’t like to deal with women who are independent and self-assured. And successful men are no different.

That’s our dilemma. Here we are, in our late-30s to late-40s, ready to start families or just looking to enjoy our achievements with the right partner, and just can’t find anyone.

What’s more, we are all decent, God-fearing women, not bed hoppers or marriage wreckers. We are ready to share our love, yet none of us can find anyone who we think is good enough for as to marry.

I know some people would say we are fortunate to be independent, as many women in this country go through horrors with men, and we are being spared that.

But all I can say is, what good is it achieving so much in life and have no one to share it with? After a while life seems meaningless.     

Those who have never really realised their potential may see things differently – I understand that; the grass often looks greener on the other side.

But when you have always been focused in your life, set goals and then attained them, after you reach a certain age you want to be able to share your success with someone who appreciates you and your talents.

Without that your life can feel as if something’s missing – and that’s how we feel.

And I’m not being overly romantic here. I know the pain of deceit and infidelity. In other words, I got horned real bad, and by more than one man I was involved with who swore he loved me. So I do not take this position with my eyes shut to reality.

Despite going through those things I still believe in love. I still believe I have a soul mate out there; a man who would want me for who I am and not what he can get from me.

I know this is not your classic confession. It is just my way, on behalf of my friends, of telling those women who often complain about their lack of material wealth, but have men who truly love them, to recognise that they have something that other women desperately crave.

So be thankful for what you have. You could be materially rich but relationship poor – and for sure, money can’t buy love.

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