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DEAR CHRISTINE: Six years and still no ring


DEAR CHRISTINE: Six years and still no ring

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DEAR CHRISTINE, I think you are doing an excellent job. I am 50 years old and my boyfriend is 61. We were friends from our teenage life for about three years but drifted apart. This is about six years now that we are back together again as lovers.

During our time apart, he was never married or had children. He is still gainfully employed and lives alone. I am gainfully employed, have two children who are both doctors and I live alone as my children reside overseas.

My problem is, I would love to get married to this gentleman but every time I bring up the subject, it is always a problem. He would ask, “Who say I don’t want to marry you?”, or “When I ready, I am going to do it”.

Not praising myself

Christine, I do everything for this man – wash, press, cook, everything. I am one of those old-time women who just love housework and cooking. All I would love is quiet dinners, a nice vacation and anything romantic.

Christine, I am not praising myself, but I know I am a good woman with great values. Tell me, should a woman be asking a man to marry her, or should he see her values and ask her to marry him?

I am beginning to feel uncomfortable because I don’t feel it is right. If he wanted me that much, he would have asked me to. Many times I think about moving on but moving on where? I really love this guy.

Please Christine, tell me what to do. I don’t want to marry him when he is older. Then I would think he is only looking for a caretaker. I am awaiting your advice. Thanks!

– ?

Dear ?,

From what you have written, I don’t see you getting married anytime soon. It’s hard for me to try to read this man’s intention, but if every time you ask about marriage he answers in the manner you says he does, I take that to mean two things. One of those two things is that you are nagging him about marriage and he does not appreciate it, and secondly, he may not be ready to get married as yet, if at all.

Why? It could be because he has got comfortable with you washing, pressing, cooking and doing all the “wifely” things without a ring on your finger. You may well be selling yourself short.

As to whether a woman should ask a man about marriage, I cannot generalise that by saying “yes” or “no”. That is very dependent on the two individuals and the relationship they have together. If you feel you have given your all to this man and both of you are still stuck at first base, then it could truly be time to move along.

What I can tell you is that six years is a long time to be sitting around waiting for him to ask you to marry him. I suggest that you stop asking him about marriage and withdraw yourself. You may be working too hard to gain that ring and you should not have to.

This man may not even be interested in marriage at all, and it has nothing personal to do with you. Think about yourself for a little while and do some things for just you.

Stop playing wifey. Maybe then he’d appreciate you a whole lot better than he does right now.