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DEAR CHRISTINE: Only getting hubby’s back


DEAR CHRISTINE: Only getting hubby’s back

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DEAR CHRISTINE, I am married but my husband does not have time for me. He goes out every night and does not come back until the next day.

This happens more often than not, but the times when he comes back he gives me his back on the bed. I am young and I have feelings. I am 27 and he is 32.

He just wants me to stay in the house and clean and wash. All he wants to do is come and change and go back out. I had to let him know that the same way he can see other women, a man can see me because I am young.

Christine, I find it hard to bear when all he does when he comes in is lay down by me, giving me his back. This has been going on for more than two years.

When he is going out at night and I ask him where he is going, he tells me he is going out to work, but I know that is not true. If I ask him to take me out, he’ll say he is going out to come back, and then I won’t see him until two and three in the morning. If I tell him I want something for the house, he will tell me he does not have any money.

Fed up with husband

So tell me, what am I going to do with a husband like that?

Before we were married he was very nice, but since we got married he has come to be like this. We have no children, I am not bad looking and do everything in the house to please him. I don’t go out. Every time he comes home I am there.

I love my husband a lot, but I just can’t stand the way he is treating me. I saw him with a woman in his car and when I asked him about it, he said it was a friend he was giving a drop.

Christine, please tell me what to do. I cannot take it anymore. He does not pay his bills and he does not want me to talk to anybody. He is also reluctant to have sex with me. Please tell me what to do.

– H

Dear H,

In your letter, you ask the question: “Tell me what am I going to do with a husband like that?”

It seems to me that you already recognise the futility of trying to eke some kind of happiness out of your marriage. Your husband is not a lover, a provider or a companion. You are his prisoner and his servant. You are making yourself available to him whenever he comes home. Maybe you should spend more time with your family, or simply do some of the fun things you like to do.

I think you should make it quite clear to him that you are not prepared to live your entire life under the present conditions. If he cares at all, he will change. If he does not, then you might just as well get out now and try and make a new life for yourself.

If it is not possible to leave, then I suggest you try and start thinking about your own happiness without feeling a sense of guilt. Three years is a mighty long time for you to be faced with your current living condition.

I am not recommending that you find someone else while you are still married, for that would be begging for another headache. What I am saying is that you can join a service club or church group which will help you to mix and mingle with some interesting and caring people.