YUH GAWH BE KIDDIN’: De place hot, hot, hot
I THINK THAT we, as a nation, need to humble ourselves and apologise. We need to make amends so that whoever ordered this terrorist attack of heat would call it off.
Don’t laugh because the only thing that could justify this level of skin scorching, fry an egg on the sidewalk, water evaporating right in front yuh eye kinda heat, is a terrorist attack. No matter what yuh do yuh can’t escape it, and if yuh doubt me ask me.
Look, the other day I did was home wit few friends and dem gine look at me and tell me my fan want pelting way. I had was to say, “Yuh poppet, it is a fan not AC. Iffen outside hot what else yuh expect to come off de fan? Ice cubes?”
That time the three of us sitting down sprawl out like we just run round the Garrison ten times.
The trick to this heat though is that yuh does have to tek yuh time and do things – nuh rushing. Cause from de time yuh rush yuh does start to sweat.
De other morning I was getting ready fuh work, had a nice cool bath, get dress, pick up my lunch and what not. Then as soon as I check the time I realised I was running late so I had was to open the door and walk briskly to the car, which was a stone’s throw away.
But by the way the liquid spouted from my pores and saturated my chosen clothing, yuh would swear that I break out in a 100 metre sprint.
Dis heat ain’t normal yuh, I telling you. When people uses to ask, “which would you rather live in, heat or cold?” I used to say heat cause I thought that it was easier to cool down than it was to warm up, but lemme tell you now, de devil is a liar. I think I starting to prefer the cold.
I went in de office and as soon as I put down my bags I reach to turn on the AC and the ting look at me and tell me “not today fam”. Not even de AC did want to work in this heat. Dis heat would mek a man walk into the sea without thought of clothes or electronics, it is heat that does mek yuh move ’bout in slow motion.
I think I had enough, wuh eva we do we apologise. So Mr Terrorist please remove the heat. ’Cause as I used to hear as a child, “Iffen this is de son I don’t want to see de father.”
• Toni Johnson is an actress versed in the area of comedy. Email: [email protected]