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I CONFESS: Suspect he’s cheating? See a doctor


BARBADOS NATION

I CONFESS: Suspect he’s cheating? See a doctor

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IF YOU SUSPECT your partner is cheating on you, go to the doctor for a blood test to ensure you’re okay. Then, insist on using condoms.

I know for some women this will be difficult as they depend solely on their man, and cannot demand anything from him.

But if you love life, you better stand up for yourself as he could bring home an infection and pass it to you.

That happened to me with my husband. He brought home trichomoniasis and infected me.

That is why I believe any time a woman is in a relationship and realises something seems wrong with her partner, but he refuses to say what it is or go to the doctor, then she should get herself checked and then, if possible, leave him.

I was with my husband for nearly five years before we broke up. He is 22 years older than me, and I trusted him because if he was not at work he was home, and if he was out it was with his male friends having a drink, playing dominoes or watching football or basketball.

And as I could always get him on his cell, I never once thought I had to worry about him with another woman.

All of this changed about three years into our marriage when I started to get pain on urinating. I also began getting pain during sexual intercourse, developed a strong odour and I also started getting a discharge.

Immediately I knew something was wrong and went to the doctor. That’s when I was diagnosed with trichomoniasis – a sexually transmitted infection.

My husband apologised and told me it was an unguarded moment at his friend’s birthday party. He said another friend hired two dancers to come over and entertain them, and eventually the seven of them took turns in having sex with these women.

I told my husband that I was disgusted by his behaviour and that I would not allow him to have sex with me again unless he used a condom.

He never protested and that’s how we were intimate for the next several months until he started complaining of not feeling well and being tired most of the time.

The doctor supposedly told him he was suffering from stress, and ordered him to moderate his eating and drinking, and to sleep more.

But after three months there was little improvement in his condition. In fact, his condition gradually worsened as he started getting rashes on his skin and his hair began to thin. Still he insisted that he was suffering from stress.

My suspicions peaked, so though we were using condoms, I got blood drawn to be tested for any sexually transmitted infection again.

When I told him this, he cursed me and said as his wife I should believe in what he says and stick with him, as we had married for better or for worse.

His stupid statement made me realise he saw me as a servant and not an equal partner. I decided I needed to get from around him because he obviously did not care about me.

In a week my test results came back and I was clean of any infection. I was relieved. I decided to make one last attempt to reach out to my husband, after all he could have diabetes as some of the symptoms were consistent with that chronic disease.

I begged him to confide in me so that I could help him. I was willing to stay with him if he just told me the truth.

But he never would say what was wrong with him.

He told me since I did not trust him in the first place to leave him alone. So a few weeks later I moved out from his house.

Since leaving him a male friend of his moved in and lives there with him. I heard talk that my husband is gay but I have no proof of that.

What I do know is that he has been losing weight and does not look well at all.

I still care about him but I can’t be with someone who insists on keeping his medical condition secret, but expects me to be there taking care of him without question.

That is not what a relationship is all about. You cannot expect anyone, not even a young child, to do what you ask them to do for you and not tell them why they are doing it – and that’s what my husband expected of me. And that was not on.

I thought I knew the man. I thought he respected me and treasured my independence of thought and spirit, and that is why to this day I am still hurt by his attitude to me seeking the truth about my medical condition and enquiring about his.

Clearly though, he had another view.

It is this experience that today makes me wary of getting involved again. For me, trust and honesty must be central to any relationship. Maybe one day I will find that again.

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