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YUH GAWH BE KIDDIN’: A half-bottle ah water


TONI-ANN JOHNSON

YUH GAWH BE KIDDIN’: A half-bottle ah water

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LET ME TELL wunnuh something, as true as John 3:16, I never experience wuh I experience this weekend. Now before I tell wunnuh what happen please understand that I am not trying to add to the already long list of complaints ’bout this particular service. Good.

This weekend gone I tell myself: “Self, lewwe do a real scrubdown clean of de house.” That time now I gone and get de gardener to cut the grass and ting outside, yuh know, to spruce it up.

I gone long to work now and when I reach back home de gardener look at me and tell me de water off. Now that don’t affect him really but it surely affect me. I gone in de house now telling myself that I gine just ease by the standpipe and get lil water, but ’cause I ain’t so accustomed I ain’t studying that the standpipe would be dry too.

So I went back home and search ’bout only to find a whole half-bottle of water. Yuh know de bottles yuh does get coconut water in? Right? One a dem.

I meant that I was to clean the house and nothing was to stop me. Let me tell you something, I had was to sweep and drag that broom across the surface as though I was trying to remove the top layer so I could get rid of all the dirt.

And by the time I done move ’bout furniture, tek down and put up curtains, pack way clothes and everything else, de house was spotless and I was as sweaty as a young recruit training to get in the army in de hot midnight sun.

Now that wouldn’t have been bad except fuh de fact that I now clean de house wit a whole half-bottle ah water and the water was still off! Ting, if you doubt me ask me.

I was so disturbed that I had was to express my frustrations to a few friends and dem tell me dem woulda bathe and leff the house dirty? I don’t know ’bout wunnuh but if me house clean I good, I would go and lay down pun de ground till the water come back on or go to the beach and bathe, but not a dirty house.

Tell me who you letting come at you when you know you house stop like “guh back he hey”.

My water was only off for the weekend and I was frustrated with having to ration toilet usage and baths, so I can only imagine how those of you feel who ain’t had water since Arthur was in power.

Toni Johnson is an actress versed in the area of comedy. Email: [email protected]

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