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YUH GAWH BE KIDDIN’: Too cute for lashes


TONI-ANN JOHNSON

YUH GAWH BE KIDDIN’: Too cute for lashes

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I AIN’T KNOW if y’all know this, but children hard-ears and what is even more profound is that we as adults were once children.

We have done some of the things that our toddlers and teens do. only thing is we did not have phones and were smart enough not to incriminate ourselves. ’Cause I don’t know who in dem right mind does do something wrong, record it and then put it on the internet.

Over the past week I have managed to reconnect with my father and in doing so he reminded me of a moment in my toddler years that almost gave him a heart attack. So I figured I’d share it with y’all cause wunnuh always hearing ’bout my mother.

Picture it: Church Street, Speightstown, 1989 (or so). I was with my father in the veranda or gallery, whatever wunnuh like to call it, and I think I was eating some food. My father decides that I looked thirsty and got up, looked at me sitting peacefully and told me, “don’t move, I coming back.”

No blame

Now, lemme just stop right there for a minute. I may not remember my mindset then but if it is anything like it is now I probably was not thinking about moving UNTIL he introduced the idea of moving, which means everything else from this point on was his fault.

So now suddenly the world outside of the veranda looked real inviting and when he said “don’t move” I heard “go, have fun, be free, young grasshopper, find your purpose.” If you doubt me ask me.

When he returned from the kitchen he tell me that he heart drop one time ’cause I was gone. He looked up de gap, down de gap, walk all ’bout and couldn’t find me. According to him, I was no taller than the bed I slept on so imagine short me, in pampers, walking by myself and taking in everything. I can only imagine how excited I must have been.

Anyway, 20 minutes, three strokes and a heart attack later he saw a policeman walking towards the house with guess who in his hand. My father was so relieved. my aunt, on the other hand, felt I needed lashes, but he was so happy to see me that lashes were not even an option.

What is the lesson to be learnt here? Well, first, toddlers move faster than we think. secondly, telling a child not to do something can make them want to actually do it. thirdly, I am too cute and too loved for lashes. And finally, it was all his fault – I accept no blame.

I am Toni-Ann “Acka” Johnson. Love, peace and Mazola Corn Oil. 

Toni Johnson is an actress versed in the area of comedy. Email: [email protected]

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