DEAR CHRISTINE: He’s not ready to say I do

DEAR CHRISTINE, My boyfriend and I are both 20 and we both have good jobs.

I am madly in love with this man, and whenever I ask him, he says he loves me too. However, there are times I wonder whether or not he is telling me the truth.

He says he does not go out with other girls but I know that this is not so. When I tell him what I know about him and other girls, he says they are only friends.

I see no reason why we cannot get married as we both work for enough money to afford this but he says he is not ready yet.

This hurts me very much as I feel he does not want me.

How can I find out if he intends to marry me, or if I should finish the relationship now?

– DB

Dear DB,

Many young girls are eager to get married as soon as they are out of their teens – just as many would like to get married even earlier. But really, it is not an age for you to get panic stricken and despair about your relationship with this young man.

I think he likes you very much. When you ask him if he loves you, it would not be easy for him to say specifically how he feels, but what he knows you like to hear and so he says he loves you.

I would suggest you accept the friendship as it is, but go out with other young men yourself if you feel like it. It is a mistake to nurture an obsession with marriage.

If you do not show that that’s all you’re thinking about, you’re likely to find him taking a greater interest in you. If he does not, well what? You’re young.

Make friends and don’t try to rush into marriage or rush anyone into marriage who is not ready to take on its responsibilities which go beyond the wedding day and the honeymoon.

Try to be a good friend to your boyfriend and in the interim take time to know him better.

– CHRISTINE