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I CONFESS: Don’t let love make you a fool


I CONFESS

I CONFESS: Don’t let love make you a fool

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ENJOY THIS CHRISTMAS ladies, and thank the Lord for giving you good health and strength to be alive to be with your loved ones. No matter how tight things are; no matter what conditions you are living under; no matter the state of your health; or no matter how bad-minded your man, children or whoever you care about are, you are fortunate to be breathing, so delight in the traditions as well as the true meaning of Christmas over these next few days.

Enjoy the rushing around to buy presents for the special people in your life, getting things for the house, then working yourself into a frenzy cleaning and decorating your surroundings to make everything look as perfect as you can possibly make it in time for the big day. Christmas comes around only once a year, so why not?

I take this approach to Christmas in particular, and life in general because experience has taught me there are certain special moments which should be enjoyed. Likewise, there are some people you have to dump from your life because as long as they are around you they will drag you down and make your life miserable. 

I expect many of you to think that to get rid of those negative people from your life would be condemning yourself to unknown hardships because a lot of those personalities may be your financial bedrock. In fact, that is often why women take crap from so many men. But you need to understand there comes a time when you have to think about your self-esteem and your individuality, and be willing to turn your back on those who only use you because you allow them to.

I know it is not as easy as it sounds, but from my personal journey I realise that as long as you have life, a better tomorrow is possible. So you need to find the courage to fix these problem elements in your life, and if you can’t, foster the strength to walk away for your peace of mind. As hard as that sounds, you can do it if you are determined to. Believe me, anything is possible as long as you put your mind to it.

 Scared of change

I know how much older women are scared of change, and that is why so many middle aged females tolerate their partners cheating. They are miserable in their circumstances but stomach their men’s philandering because they fear getting old and being alone. 

That is why a lot of them usually tell the men to do whatever they want to do, but make sure they don’t sleep out. Those women use that primarily to deny the outside woman bragging rights. But the reality is, they are grasping at straws.

I know such scenarios well because I went through all of that. My husband and I had four children and could barely make ends meet, yet he picked up with a woman. In the beginning I had no idea, but after months of observing certain things with him I realised that was the situation. At first I was angry and carried on. But that just created more problems and drove him further into her arms. So I cried and told him to think of his children, but nothing really changed. So the little savings I managed to put aside for a rainy day I took it, rented a house and moved out. 

He knew I could not afford to support the children on my wages so he refused to give me money for them. I then had to put him in court, but even then the money came like molasses and was just a fraction of what I needed. So I ended up going to the Welfare Department for assistance, and for years I had to lean on them.

 Love for Christmas

But I got through. I survived. I didn’t have much but I made it, and thankfully the children all learnt well and each of them, as soon as they got a job, gave me something to help with the household. Though they all grew up and went their separate ways, at Christmas they all tried to do something special for me – that is why I love Christmas so much.

It is this personal experience together with observing situations between other couples that I have the attitude I do to relationships. I realise that as quick as you can wink your eyes, everything you know and enjoy, or hate and loathe, can be altered just so. That is why I encourage women to let nothing stop them from getting on with their lives as you never know what good awaits you around the corner. But if you stay mired in misery on the straight and narrow you will never find out.

This is why I often tell people that though more women today are better educated than the men and a lot of them are managers and supervisors, many have lost your way when it comes to a mind for themselves. What I mean is that despite their professional success, too many allow themselves to be manipulated and used by men, all in the name of love.

Then there are the vast majority who have children, who work or don’t work but in each case need their partner’s income to keep food on the table or pay the rent, mortgage and utilities. As I said, I too was like that until I found the courage to break away and start anew. It was not easy, but it was the best thing I ever did for the betterment of me.

So ladies, enjoy your Christmas but think about what I said. Don’t continue being any man’s fool. 

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