DEAR CHRISTINE: Married man finding it hard to be with me
DEAR CHRISTINE, I wonder if you can help me with my problem. I have actually been searching for one like mine so that I could find the answer without having to bother you.
After a marriage marred by my husband’s unfaithfulness and sometimes violence, I met a man during a social event and we took instantly to each other. He lives in the country and I live close to town.
He has to come to his workplace in The City and the kind of work he has keeps him out hours after the normal working hours.
Seeing him is therefore not a problem and so far it has not caused any problem between him and his wife, with whom he still lives. It all started as a pleasant friendship which led up to him coming to my home. He has done so a few times.
On the last two occasions, we tried to make love but he could not. He is the one who seemed worried.
After I spoke to him, he admitted that he cared for me but felt badly about being unfaithful to his wife.
He also said that they had a fairly happy life together. He has asked me to give him time and all will be well between us. Should I wait for him?
First, let me state that I am very surprised as you said that you have been searching for someone with a problem like yours and never found it in Dear Christine. Most of the letters we carry have to do with adulterous affairs. What makes yours so different?
Having said that, you most certainly should not wait around expecting a miracle to take place in your favour. This man has admitted to feelings of guilt. That is the perfect reason why you should release him and let him go, not try to keep the affair going.
I can sympathise with your feelings over your own unhappy marriage, but it does seem to me that it is a great mistake for you to continue seeing this man which could cause a lot of distress to his trusting family.
Please let him go.