DEAR CHRISTINE, I am 25 and had an unfortunate love affair when I was 17. So much so that it took me a long time before I would let any boy come near me.
That boy swore that he loved me and that we would get married. Soon after we started having sex he left me. It was hard for me and it was only after he left the island that I was able to function again although I kept away from any affair with any man even though quite a few of them tried.
Now I’ve met a very nice young man who is a staunch member of my church. We are engaged to be married within a few months’ time.
We have come pretty close to making love several times but he pulls away and says we’ll have no sex before marriage.
He’s so uptight about this that I am wondering if he is expecting me to be a virgin and what his reaction will be when he learns that I am not. How can I solve this problem? By the way, he is 27 years old.
– T.B.
Dear T.B.,
I don’t understand what all the fuss is about. You can simply tell your intended that you’re not a virgin or continue this way and eventually get married facing the problem when nothing can be done about it. The latter, however, would be putting a strain on your marriage right away.
I suspect he must have had some lovers before, even though at this point of time he’s keeping himself for you in marriage.
He’s not revealing any of this to you and you are going ahead with what is probably his illusion that you have never had any sexual contact with another man.
If you feel that a virgin is the be-all and end-all of his requirements in a wife, you’d better think seriously about whether you can cope with the sentence which such rigidity would surely place on you.
You must get him to open up on this matter about himself and let him know what the situation is with you. If that incident in his eyes makes you a “bad” woman, then perhaps he’s not good for you.
– CHRISTINE
