MAVIS BECKLES: Parents got feelings too
I OFTEN WONDER why it does be suh hard fuh most children tuh accept dat duh parent got lives too when dem get in tuh duh teens and decide dat the parents owe dem and have tuh be there fuh dem howevah and whenevah they need dem.
Another thing is, why it does be suh hard fuh children tuh understand when one parent dies dat the other one left still has a life and have tuh move on with it?
Why it is dat some o’ dem cahn seem tuh understand dat the grieving parent’s life doan automatically end there and isn’t controlled by dem?
Take, fuh example, a parent from a close knit family dies. obviously it does be harder fuh the children and the other parent. It does also be very hard if the children are very young like primary school age or so where the single parent now have tuh put their own feelings one side tuh deal wid the needs o’ these young children.
If it is the mother who dies, it does be really hard pon the father, especially if he was not a hands-on person before and the wife did most o’ the dealing wid the children. So he would now have tuh deal wid all the cooking, washing, cleaning and evahthing else. And he still got needs and himself tuh deal wid.
If it is the father dat goes, it does be a li’l easier fuh the mother tuh deal wid the small children and the situation, ’cause evahbody does expect the mother tuh be the superhuman even though it is the same feelings of loss dat she gotta deal wid.
But dat parent sacrificed and give up evahthing, even duh very feelings fuh years, and the children, now teenagers, get ovah the hurdles and doing good at school. The parent, on the other hand, after shutting way duhselves, now decide dat it is time tuh live a li’l bit.
So he or she finally meet somebody and introduce the body tuh duh teenage children. But instead o’ being happy fuh the parent, these children become resentful towards the body as well as telling duh parent dat he or she ain’t want nuhbody; and duh does be trying evahthing tuh make the poor parent feel guilty as if duh doing something evah suh wrong.
I does see it and hear ’bout this sort o’ thing all the time. Children like duh believe dat you should stan’ in the house and be the cook, the cleaner, the chauffeur, the host tuh duh friends and wha’evah dem want you tuh be till you dead.
Duh too selfish, especially the teenage girls, and dem is the first ones tuh brek and guh long wid duh friends and if or when you gotta call dem up pon it, the first thing duh does tell ya is dat you live you life aw’ready and dem now have tuh live theirs.
I know wha’ I talking ’bout. I see a letter like dat in the papers the other day and all I would like tuh say tuh dat parent [should] sit all o’ dem down and instead o’ pacifying dem, let dem know dat they have feelings like anybody else and it is time dat they, like dem, need tuh get on wid their life and live.
• Mavis Beckles was born and raised in The Orleans. She has an opinion on everything.