DEAR CHRISTINE: Worried if children will accept him
DEAR CHRISTINE, I am on holiday in your country and one of the things I do is read your column.
The major reason for this holiday was to get away from some problems at home. I feel that being away from the people involved, I’ll better be able to come to a decision. Now I am hoping you can help me in this matter.
I am divorced and have two daughters; one is 16 and the other is almost 15.
I try my best to give them everything they need but most of the time, I just manage to keep our heads above water. Even that would not be possible without help from my relatives.
Recently I made friends with a man who wants to marry me, and although I care for him and also need his help, I am anxious about getting married. The girls, even though they love me, are still attached to their father and I wonder if they would not eventually resent another man taking his place.
I have not discussed with them the possibility of getting married again. What do you think I should do?
It is possible the girls may feel resentful at first. This is something that has to be faced by any step-parent. On the other hand, they might be just as eager to have a man about the house again.
Why hide your anxieties from them? They are old enough to accept the realities of life and to do a bit of coping with them.
They must recognise that you have needs of your own, including the companionship and affection of another adult. They ought to be told that if and when you do remarry, it will not mean that the person will be taking over, so to speak, but there will be someone else to share the family problems and pleasures which are part of life.
I personally feel that the caring you feel for and show to others will be a great influence on the total happiness of the entire family.
Do you think this man will be able to cope with a “new” family? Are your anxieties also based on his perspective of things?
If you believe that you are loved by this man, and if you love him in return, then go ahead and get married. I wish you every blessing possible.