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JEFF BROOMES: Love relationships must have honesty


JEFF BROOMES: Love relationships must have honesty

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LAST WEEK, we spoke of the need for honesty in parenting. Today, we will touch the equally emotional relationships of the heart. It is what allows some persons to live long enjoyable lives together or suffer the pain of a break-up that is not expected or desired.

As lovers, wives or husbands, our actions of dishonesty also lead to pain, disappointment and, unfortunately, sometimes unacceptable physical responses. 

Once again, I assume that each of us has been in at least one of these. In my case, two!

In these intimate relationships, partners move forward with hopes and expectations of each other. It can be quite devastating when it is later discovered that all was false and simply based on lies and deception. 

We really never know anyone else and make our commitments that expose our hearts and reputations on mere faith. 

When we find that the faith was misplaced, we doubt, we distrust and our lives become a muddled mess. Someone in this position of hurt and disappointment is often irritable and selfish, saying and doing hurtful things that are usually anathema to who they genuinely are. 

Are they really to be blamed when dishonesty has taken them there?  We need to see the urgency of honesty and respect the other’s feelings and value the hearts they give to us. Love relationships must have honesty as a defining pillar.

Another hurtful act that is based on a lack of honesty in an intimate relationship is that of cheating. In Barbados, we say one should be able to take a horn. Trust me, no one can! Most of us can give, but I know none that can take. Why do we indulge in such acts of dishonesty? 

Yes, sometimes there is a clamour for the physical because of one attraction or another. Sometimes, it is because of a perception of more financial gains that can improve our personal or social positioning. Sometimes, it is simply a result of regular social interaction where hormones rage and discipline declines. 

Immediately, the aggrieved party feels as though he or she has simply been played, used or misused. One is left to reflect on every act of genuine kindness and see that it was only kindness going in one direction. 

One then believes that he or she was not seen as a lover or friend but as a mere exploited provider. As the song says, and you often repeat in the bastardised version: “Yuh just see me like Santa Claus!”

Cheaters often seem to have no boundaries and become, through their actions even when not their speech, to be disrespectful, classless and insulting.

They tend to be flagrant even to the point of showing off for the former partners’ friends and families to be the unwilling audience. 

They go places that really should be off-limits; they say things at points and to people that should be left unsaid. Then they question why the natural and hurt-driven response is returned. 

All could have been avoided if only honesty was respected. We must always remember that our actions are not entrenched and locked in a cocoon. They mushroom and manifest themselves in adjusted feelings, views and behaviours, be they positive or negative. 

Jeff Broomes is an experienced educator, principal and community organiser who also served as vice president of the BCA and director of the WICB. Email: [email protected]