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I CONFESS: Cheating satisfies me


BARBADOS NATION

I CONFESS: Cheating satisfies me

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I’M CHEATING ON my husband. I’m not boasting about it as it’s nothing to be proud of. But that’s what I’m doing no matter how practical the reason.

I go with another man because my husband’s illness has rendered him incapable of intercourse. He has erectile dysfunction caused largely by the effects of his chronic diabetes and hypertension.

I’ve been cheating on him for about seven months. I started doing it because after nearly two years without sex, I was going crazy. I tried to ignore my feelings but I just could not anymore.

In fairness to my husband, he recognised my frustration and tried to pleasure me orally and using adult gadgets. However, no matter what he did, in the end I still craved the real thing.

So I started dieting and exercising with him to encourage his healthy lifestyle efforts. I hoped that with weight loss and better circulation he would regain some function. But that has not happened.

At first, the exercise regime suppressed my cravings, in that I used to be so tired I would just want to sleep after exercise sessions. But as my fitness level improved, I began feeling better, looking better and the craving returned, but even stronger.

I never looked my age even when I was not physically active and ate the usual Barbadian high-fat diet. So after starting the exercise and diet programme my husband was on, and sticking to it, I lost weight and looked at least ten years younger.

That led to more attention than ever before from men. At first I resisted the temptation, but then gave in to a married man who was also into fitness. He is nearly 15 years younger than me, and I chose him just for the physical contact.

I figured it would be a win-win relationship. He would be happy to have a fling on the side with someone he did not have to support or made no demands on him. And I would get a strong young man who would give me the only thing my husband could not.

Neither of us would have to tell lies to raise suspicions as we would use the time we normally went exercising to cheat on our spouses. I figured it was a great plan as no one could get hurt.

That was important because I really love my husband. He is a wonderful man. He is the type of person who knows how to treat a woman well and make her feel as if she is the most important person in the world.

But apart from the gifts and trips, he is an intelligent, fun-loving man who you can just curl up with and have a good chat. He is truly a beautiful person.

That is why when his condition first started before it progressed to what it is now, I could not leave him. He is much older than I am, but I felt if I left when he needed me most I would never be able to live with myself. He is too good a person to leave alone just because he can no longer perform in that way.

That’s why I initially pushed away my feelings. That’s why I took on his exercise and diet plan. I wanted him to know I was going to be there for him no matter what. And I have been.

My problem now is that I feel empty. The intercourse is still fantastic whenever my young man and I get together, but it no longer fulfils me. I guess I feel this way because I always believed that an honest relationship is what matters most. As such, they don’t revolve around sex – even though that is an essential ingredient.

But what makes relationships stand out is because they are meant to be special. They are about one’s emotional attachment and the unique experiences shared with each other.

I particularly love the security a relationship offers. Most of all, I enjoy the honest affection that comes from being involved with someone who cares about you for you.

Physical contact is nothing compared to a strong, honest relationship.

That is why I decided to talk about my situation. I’d like women to know that if they really love their men, they must insist their spouses eat right and exercise regularly. The truth is our men eat too much of the wrong things and sometimes drink more than enough alcohol.

All this does is to make them obese and perfect candidates for diabetes and high blood pressure. And when that happens, tremendous pressure is placed on the marriage.

First, there are the doctors’ visits, medical bills and the cost of medication.

Then there is the physical and emotional pain. That is, the inability and discomfort to do basic things without feeling uncomfortable.

And, of course, there is the sexual frustration that erectile dysfunction can cause you and him if the situation deteriorates to that point.

Men often get angry at not being able to perform, and become suspicious that their woman would do something behind their back.

Thankfully, I never went through anything like that as I was and continue to always be there for my husband, and when I do cheat I am very discreet. But from the stories the doctor told me about how some men behave and what occurred in some relationships, I know this is a major issue.

I thank him for telling me those things to warn me of what could happen so I could prepare myself. That, too, is why I am sharing with you because knowing first-hand how sexual frustrations have the potential to tear apart a marriage, you need to be prepared to confront your intimate feelings and balance that with your love for your spouse.

I made a choice that satisfies me physically, but hurts me otherwise because it is not easy going home to hug and kiss your husband after a session of physical intimacy with your lover.

Only someone with a stone-cold heart could do that and not feel some remorse.

It is not a good feeling. But I do what I do for me. And I will continue to treat my husband well because I love him despite his disability.

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