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The following are edited responses to the May 1 confession, Molested By My Mum’s Man:
I KNOW THE feeling you are going through as the same thing happened to me. I was molested. I told my grandmother about it, and she did not believe it because it was my aunt's husband who did it.
It has been over 25 years, and to this day I remember it as if it just happened. My aunt and her husband are still married. After I became an adult I learned to forgive him, because holding the hate in my heart for him did not feel good.
I figured anyone who could do this to a child had to be a sick person who needs help. I prayed that some day someone would believe me. As the saying goes, put your troubles to God and leave it and He will handle them for you.
About three years ago, I went to my aunt’s house for a visit. I was standing on her porch, and her husband told me that he was sorry for what he did to me, and asked for forgiveness. I told him I had forgiven him a long time ago. Take your problems to God and he will see you through.
So to sit and have so much hate for your mother is not going to make it any better. I am sure your life is much better now, so it is time to forgive her and move on. I wish you the best.
I FEEL YOUR PAIN, and I understand why you are still hurting as some years ago I also felt the same way. I, too, was molested by an uncle. I was eight years old and those memories are as fresh as yesterday, even though I am now 46.
There are some memories that always stay with a person, despite whatever else you do or achieve in life.What I am thankful for is that even though I had such a bad experience, I was able to get married and raise two beautiful daughters.
When I separated and divorced, my girls were eight and ten years old, respectively. I always told them not to be afraid of letting me know anything, and that includes telling me if any male member of my relatives ever attempted touching them.
For that reason, too, I never took a male friend in my life. I just wanted to protect them until they were old enough to look out for themselves. If you do happen to have children, you will protectively hover over them the same way, knowing what you went through.
The only catch, though, is that after locking myself off for my kids all those years, I find it very difficult now to even think about getting a mate, even though the girls encourage me to find someone to settle down with. Don’t allow that to happen to you.
Move on, but be alert and protective of your own kids. Above all, do not ignore any such allegations they may make.