Dear Christine,
I write to you with a heavy heart. I have two children for my boyfriend, and I am pregnant with the third, but my problem is that there is a woman he has been involved with for the past four years and no matter what I do he is not letting her go.
This woman lives with a man and has three children, but some even say the last one belongs to my boyfriend. From the time he met her, my life has gone downhill.
He no longer shows any affection towards me and only checks for the children, but not like before. He still carries to school our first son but is quite taken up with this woman.
He would go to the ends of the earth to be with her. He goes by her mother when the boyfriend is at home.
He waits until the man goes to work and then spends time with her.
I even believe he sleeps there too. When he comes by me, I question him about her, but he simply gets on his bicycle and leaves.
Christine, we don’t live together. I just put up a front to make my friends think I’m in control and we are happy together, but the reality is that I’m living in misery.
I went as far as to make friends with people in this woman’s neighbourhood to get them to spy on her and him for me. I even placed nasty and malicious things about her on the Internet and in the newspaper.
I work from 2 p.m. to 11 p.m., and he never finds the time to come and take me home. This woman goes to work at 5 a.m. somewhere in The City, and he finds time to ride his bicycle to meet her to make sure she gets to work safely.
I know I’m not perfect, but this matter has me stressed out, and I don’t want to lose my baby.
I thought that having this child would turn my boyfriend’s mind from this woman and we would settle down as a family and probably get married in the near future. I now realize that I have made a foolish mistake.
Christine, can you please give me some advice?
– Tired of Fighting
Dear Tired Of Fighting,
Your story is a sad but common one, so there is no need to feel alone.
All indications are that this man is no longer interested in you as he was before he met this woman.
In fact, his actions show that he does not care. You admitted that you tried to hurt this other woman by placing nasty and malicious things about her on the Internet and in the newspaper.
That was wrong, and I hope you will not repeat this.
Let God avenge, not you!
You have made the mistake many women often make – believing that if they become pregnant for a man, he would automatically settle down with them.
That’s a huge lie!
Judging from your letter, you seem to have come to the realization that some of the things you did were wrong, and that’s a good place to be.
From here on you can begin to sort your life out.
Have a decent talk with this man, and let him know you are not willing to put up with the way he treats you.
Find out if he is going to support the children – if he does not, the law courts are there – and move on with your life.
Men – and women sometimes – become easy prey for others, and it seems to me that your friend has become an easy prey for this woman, and not necessarily the other way around, seeing that she already has someone else.
Your unborn child must be your priority right now. Stay focused and do not allow yourself to become stressed out over this man, who does not deserve your love or affection. Don’t settle for second best. Four years is a long time for you to put up with his two-timing ways.
Try to find inner peace with yourself. Talk to God about the situation and as you get closer to giving birth find a trustworthy pastor or counsellor, preferably female, in whom you can confide.
If you do not know such a person, I can supply you with some names. I ask only that you write requesting them.
– CHRISTINE
