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Living the single life

Sherie Holder-Olutayo

Living the single life

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You’re beautiful. Talented. Anointed. You’ve basically got it going on, but nobody seems to notice you. What’s worse is that you can’t find a man. Sound familiar?
Well, that scenario became so common for a number of women that it prompted Paula Richards to pen her latest book, Unmasking The Heart Of A Single Woman.
“The book is so real and it hits you,” Paula says.
The sense of realism came from the fact that Paula used many aspects of  her life and those around her for this project. Paula was careful to incorporate humour and fact, even interweaving touches of herself and her own experiences within its pages.
“God himself gave me the concept for this book, which was to merge fiction and non-fiction,” Paula said.
“Then I decided to write a book for single women and the book basically took me two weeks to write.”
Paula is no novice when it comes to writing books. In fact, this is her third book, but one can say that she feels very spiritually and personally connected to this particular book.
Writing for single women was something Paula felt she was called to do.
“I am single, and being single can be quite challenging at times,” Paula said. “The emotions, the feelings, the challenges you encounter – particularly with men. You get heartbroken, and then you have to deal with that.
“How do you deal with a man rejecting you? There’s nothing really wrong with you but still men are bypassing you. Then when someone does come along, they think you’re too strong or too assertive.”
Trying to find the right balance when you’re single isn’t easy, expecially when it comes to dealing with your sexuality.
“You do have to deal with your sexual urges, loneliness, and coping with those feelings,” Paula said. 
“I started coming up with some great topics. The book really is about me; it’s like Paula exposed and I’m very open.”
For Paula, writing this book became very therapeutic because it forced her to come to terms with herself and areas of her life she was dealing with.
“I had to stop at one point and deal with my issues,” she said. “The book helped me first because in order for me to write this, I had to release or shed a lot of stuff that had been a part of me for a long time.”
Paula had come to realize that for her to be any good to someone else, she had to deal with the hidden things that would rear their heads in relationships. In some ways, she had to deal with herself.
“I think it’s important for women to understand that they have to work on themselves first before they can deal effectively with anyone else in their lives,” she said.
Paula’s journey, which she admits has been chronicled throughout the book, is one that many women will be able to relate to. Issues like relinquishing your last name are things that she dealt with in the book and things that she even admits to struggling with.
“Not relinquishing your last name is an inability to let go,” she revealed. “I have matured in my approach to men and to how I see men,” she said. “In doing this, God took the time to bring me healing.”
Paula also wanted women to realize that there’s nothing wrong with being single, and that it’s important in setting the stage for marriage.
“I want women to enjoy being single because there’s nothing wrong with it,” she said. “I want women to work on their character first and develop a strong relationship with God. I also want them to know that there is hope.”