Dear Christine,
Please help me! I have been married for eight years but only happily married for two.
My life has been in turmoil for the past six years. I have stuck around, hoping that things might turn around for the best since my husband and I have mutual financial commitments.
He cheated on me with an older woman when my son was a baby and from then to now this woman is in his life.
I would cry when he picks up his clothes and goes by her house for long periods. I would also cry when I see them pictured together on the Internet. He would take her to work, where I also work, and kiss her goodbye for my colleagues to see.
Christine, through all my pain I eventually met someone and started going out almost every weekend.
My friend is a gem and he treats me like a queen. We waited for over a year before we even became intimate and I know that he loves me.
He makes me happy but, Christine, he is not financially capable of aiding me with my financial commitments.
My husband has stopped purchasing groceries and now he leaves the car on “E”. This makes it impossible for me to use it to get to work. He knows my salary goes towards the mortgage.
Each time I leave home he verbally abuses me in front of my son. We even fought once. As a result, I ended things with my friend and decided to stay at home. Still he refused to help.
I started having anxiety attacks and would even cry in front of my son for no particular reason.
I was placed on anti-depressants and my doctor advised me to leave the house for a while to relax. I took his advice but when I returned things were worse. I do not eat properly and my son does not get what he needs for school.
My husband has told me that I should let the man with whom I am intimate support me and our son.
How do I find a way to survive, eat and pay bills until the divorce (which I don’t have any money for) comes through?
– In Pain
Dear In Pain,
You have been in this misery of a marriage for too long without seeing any positive results. You said you are the one paying the money towards the mortgage and you and your husband are financially bonded as a result of these commitments.
This seems to be the only bond that is keeping you together. There is no love or respect on his part or on yours.
I believe you should seek legal advice and consider a legal separation. Once this is done you would be aware of your rights and of what steps you need to take.
Another avenue is for you to speak to the minister who married you (if that is possible) for counselling.
You need to heal mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically – for your sake and the sake of your son.
– CHRISTINE
