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DEAR CHRISTINE: Men, women, stop the outside affairs

BEA DOTTIN, [email protected]

DEAR CHRISTINE: Men, women, stop the outside affairs

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Dear Christine:
Thanks for the great work which you are presently doing in helping the sick, the unemployed, the suicidal, the depressed, and all who in any other way seek your assistance.
May you be always guided to give appropriate answers to their concerns and various queries.
Lately, in almost every weekly Dear Christine column, I am seeing stories about men and women having extramarital relationships. It is true that somewhere along the line people do fall in love (or perhaps it is passion and lust) with persons with whom they have no right carrying on relationships.
Sometimes when the married man wants to justify his actions for having an extramarital affair, he tells the “woman friend” all kinds of things about his wife.
There are a few women who would listen and let it end there, but most of the time the friend uses these sayings as a weapon against the wife. They call her up and tell even more than what was told to them.
I want to tell men they are wrong to allow such behaviour. They need to stop telling their “women friends” things about their wives, whether these things are good or bad.
Men, you took your wives to the church and made solemn vows in the presence of God and man “to love and cherish till death” do you part.  At that time these brides would have been the best persons on earth as far as you were concerned.  
Now, a word to the outside woman: It is bad enough that you are involved with the woman’s husbands. Do not cause her any further heartache with your insults and threats. You are also a woman.
When the man asks you to go home with him, say “never”, and say it with meaning. If you were the wife, would you be able to live with the insults, shame and humiliation wives often face?
I can bet you that 99 per cent of married men who have affairs are still with their wives – long after the affairs are over. Can’t you see that they are not leaving their wives for you? Open your eyes.
Men, these women do not love you. If they did, they would never resort to the kind of behaviour which makes you look bad. They are showing quite plainly how selfish they are and most likely, are only using you until someone else [maybe someone better] comes along.
– F.P.
Dear F.P.,
Men and women who cheat on or speak ill of their wives/husbands/partners really and truly also make themselves look bad.
In fact, there is a Chinese quotation which says: “He that speaks ill of his wife dishonours himself.” And so it is. I see no real purpose, or no honest purpose, for a man to degrade his wife to another woman. Women should recognise this as part of the ploy to win them over.
If I were in such a position I’d say to myself: “If he could talk about a woman he cared enough to marry and mother his children, he would easily talk about me.”
It is true that in marriage one discovers things about one’s partner that were not evident to love-blinded eyes during courtship; but yet . . . .
At the end of the day, mistresses who accommodate married men and married women who accommodate men other than their spouses are all heading for a fall of their own. Retribution is very much alive.