Change of life: the period which both ends and begins. That stage in life when women turn into either saner, quieter versions of themselves, or into overheated femmes fatales. I thought I was experiencing this “change” over the past week, but thanks to forecaster Selma Green and her detailed atmospheric proclamations, I was able to understand that my end had not yet begun. My sweltering was shared by both men and women . . . of all ages.
According to Selma, some temperatures were at record highs of 36 and even 39. If you’ve ever read the play La Casa de Bernarda Alba by Federico Garcia Lorca, you’d see how significant “heat” is when it comes to literary symbols and life.
In this play, the five daughters of Bernarda are between the ages of 20 and 39; and are hot. The heat in this play is sweltering; much like it has been over the past week here in Barbados. I’m hot, I’m sure you’re hot; and things can become less bearable when you’re in that type of heat. In order to cool things down, though, I see the Minister of Environment and Drainage Dr Denis Lowe stepping in. Zero consumption of hydro chlorofluorocarbon refrigerants by 2030. It is a welcome move, Minister.
However, when it comes to heat these days, I think my dog Billy the Kid is having a hard time. It’s the only period when I have no choice but to tie him, since he transforms into Canis Familiaris Houdini. His alter ego triggers his carnal cravings and he ultimately finds his way to Maggie-Estrus, his heated neighbour. I’ve had to (literally and figuratively) mend fences, placate the postman and even re-heel because he won’t heel during those times. Thank goodness Maggie’s estrus only occurs every six months or so and is not as permanent as that of the daughters of Bernarda Alba.
I gather from fellow columnist Al Gilkes that he prefers cold to heat; and I certainly agree. While his rationale is that you can’t strip beyond a certain point, mine would be that it’s cheaper to bundle. And by the way, you can bundle anything these days, starting with cell, TV and Internet. Have you seen the deals? They’re really hot! This is what I love about a free market. No monopoly; healthy competition.
Before I go, let me tell you about Julia Harewood’s early Christmas gift, while giving you one piece of seemingly arbitrary advice: check your salads before consumption.
I recommended a nearby restaurant to my famished friend, telling her that the food is a bit on the hot side, but tasty for days. Knowing that I give fairly rational advice when it comes to rations, she decided to try. Boy, was I embarrassed! A Christmas worm in the salad. Black and curled-up like a toe-hair!
Thankfully, when criticised about my culinary choices, I don’t take matters of the middle to heart. Her verbosity was acerbically caustic. A more heated female I have never seen!
Veoma Ali is an author, actor, broadcaster, advertising exec, and most important, a karaoke lover.
