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DEAR CHRISTINE: Heavy drinking ruining marriage

Dear Christine

DEAR CHRISTINE: Heavy drinking ruining marriage

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Dear Christine,

I have been living with my husband for the past two years and they have been two years of misery.

Well, let me be honest. For the first six months of our marriage, there was all the bliss you could ever want. We were extremely happy and spent a lot of time together.

I got married when I was 38 and he was 42. I got pregnant during our first year and so we have a one-year-old son.

The problem started when my husband met a guy from overseas as a result of his work and began hanging out with him and his friends. When the guy returned to his country, my husband continued to hang out with these guys who are known for their heavy drinking.

Christine, please do not get me wrong. My husband is a good provider and a good man. However, his heavy drinking and staying away from home for long periods on weekends have affected our marriage significantly.   

Many nights when he comes home he goes straight to bed without saying a word to me. I have asked him to cut down on the drinking or at least see a professional counsellor who deals with matters relating to drug use, but he has refused to do so.

Mind you, he does not get drunk, but he goes through a serious personality change.

Sometimes he frets when there is nothing to fret about and he spends a lot of his money on drinks for himself and his so-called friends. I wish he would see that his drinking has affected our marriage and do something about it. I am at the stage where, if he continues, I will pack my things and go back home. I was not brought up to live under such conditions and I am not prepared to do so. Please give me your advice.

– H.B.

Dear H.B,

Packing your bags and going back home to your mother will not stop your husband from drinking. Even if he does so temporarily, it could also provide him with an excuse or an open door to drink even more.

Your husband needs professional help. If you are unable to make him see this for himself, I suggest you join with other family members and try to reason with him. If he refuses to seek the help and counsel which he needs, then arrange for a counsellor to visit your home.

There may be an underlying reason why this “good husband” is drinking so much and spending so much time away from home.

From where I sit, I don’t see this as his problem alone. You must also look at it as “your problem” and not run from the situation without giving it your all.