WELL, I feeling like a new dollar coin, freshly coming out of Central Bank. Hoadie did a number: soporific serenading. Dreaming about me and felis catus; in calypso, too.
Talking about numbers . . . today I turn 100. Well, Gal Friday, that is. This is the 100th column. I was wondering if I would get a card from Her Majesty, Queen Lizzie – or even a visit from the stately Governor General, but I wondered in vain. Perhaps in a few years I would enjoy such grandiose gestures, as I’m not too-too far from a century myself. In the meantime, I’ll try to sharpen my writing skills so I could rank with Wild Coot, Tony Deyal and the old boys; and hit a next century.
They say that sophisticated skills get you places. My father gave me this piece of advice: If you’re a mother, be the best mother; if you’re a plumber, be the best plumber; if you’re a teacher, be the best teacher; if you’re a . . . you get the drift, right? Well, I met the best beggar last week. In fact, I’m thinking of recommending him for a sales position somewhere.
Picture it: mendicant meets me in St Michael. He says, “A lovely morning to a lovely madam. Would you happen to have 50 cents, please?” I truthfully tell him that I do not have coins. “Then perhaps maybe a two-dollar bill?” I compliment him on his wit and continue my jogging.
I encounter the same fella two days later. He says, “Any change today, madam?” Again, I tell him the truth: no cash, only plastic.
“Be careful about this skimming thing with the credit cards, hear? Cash is king, madam. Cash is king and should be accompanied by a queen like you.”
Reader, you don’t think this man got real talk? Lyrics like Edwin Yearwood, and pitch perfect, too. Some of my sales people could learn a thing or two from the flavour and tone of his sales pitch.
And in talking about pitch, since the price of concrete is now so low, when will we start thinking about using it instead of asphalt for our roads?
I mean the advantages are the hardest hard: less gas consumption by vehicles of up to 20 per cent when driving on concrete; concrete is highly resistant to fuel spillage; concrete roads entail a more environmentally-friendly process; a longer service life (40 years when compared with asphalt’s ten years’ durability).
Look, I not audaciously advertising or anything so, but Mark Maloney or one of the Rock Hard people could let me handle the promotions aspect to produce some solid results. You get me?
Anyway, before I go, let me just mention the cold concrete (or tiles) at the airport when we have to remove shoes. Let me tell you, I catch a draft from the floor and get tonsillitis one time. Keith Goddard, please to put a li’l carpet on the concrete floor there by the security checkpoint, sir. We will love you even more if you do.
Veoma Ali is an author, broadcaster, advertising exec and, most important, a karaoke lover.
