Dear Christine,
MY REASON for writing may seem insignificant but it is a big issue for me. My fiancé appears to have “serious” issues with my cooking and I am wondering if there is a “real future” for us.
Each time I cook a meal and ask him his opinion, he complains, or says something negative. If I make changes to the menu, he’ll find something new to complain about.
It’s either my food is “too salty”, “not salty enough”, it’s “too bland” or “something is missing”.
If I plan a romantic dinner, the same thing happens. He may say the wine is not the right mix, or just smother the food with hot sauce or ketchup.
On the other hand, when he cooks for us, I’ll compliment him on his fare. Why is it so hard for him to offer me compliments, when I give him so freely? Even when I think his food is “not that tasty”, I’ll say a kind “thank you”. On the other hand, he’ll brag about how men are better cooks than women.
I have always been proud of my cooking. My friends love my pot roast, cou cou and salt fish and curried lamb. Even my mother, whom I consider a food critic, has told me, “I love your cooking.”
How can I overcome this food critic of a soon-husband-to-be? How can we move forward together when he has this “negative” attitude towards my cooking?
– PAT
Dear PAT,
First, stop asking him what he thinks about your food. He has become the food critic he is because you keep begging for compliments and his opinion. If your food is “not so good”, why does he stick around to eat it?
Second, if he so good a cook, let him cook the meals. You are both “arguing” over a non-issue. If he wants his food prepared a certain way, let him prepare it or ask him for his recipes. I’m sure he’ll come up with nil and the complaining will stop.
In addition, stop complimenting him about his food, especially when you know you’re not being honest. I do not understand how both of you can partake of a meal and allow it to properly digest when you have turned food preparation into an “at home” culinary competition.
Come on! There’s more to life and relationships than who cooks better and who does not. If both of you continue on this road, food could be the reason for a permanent split. Tell me, would it be worth it?
–CHRISTINE
