• Today
    August 06

  • 06:16 PM

I CONFESS: Let down by married lover

Added 29 May 2010

I’M IN A DIFFICULT situation and not sure what I can do to get  out of it.My problem is that I am seriously in love with a married man. He got married only two years ago, but we were involved a few years before then.When I met him, he was talking to the other girl he is now married to. It did not bother me that he was dealing with someone else at the time because I just wanted  a good friend,  and not necessarily an intimate relationship. I had just come out  of a bad affair and wasn’t in a rush to get back into anything serious too quickly, so the arrangement suited me.But as time went on,  I realised that he was  a really nice guy and before I knew it,  we were intimate. We began spending more and more time together. We began going out openly together, and he would even sleep over. We were so good together that I considered him my man. He never used to talk about the other girl, and I never used to ask about her.I really enjoyed him and thought we would  be together for the rest  of my life. But all of that changed when he dropped the bombshell that he was getting married. To be truthful, it took me by surprise because I didn’t realise that he was still dealing with her.I was annoyed at first, but then I calmed down because I realised that she was a younger woman with no children, and he wanted to have children. As an older woman with  a child, I didn’t think  it right to deprive him  of that as I had no intention of ever becoming pregnant again.So he went ahead  and got married, but within a few days he was back with me as always. And that brings me  to my dilemma. These days when he comes over he is constantly looking  at his watch and is always seems to be in a hurry.He is no longer willing to stay a few hours and have a nice time like we used to. When he comes, he just has sex and leaves immediately after. I feel like a prostitute as there is not that attention and emotion anymore. Two people  who care for each other should take time  to be together and enjoy each other’s company.  But that doesn’t happen between us anymore.The other problem  I have is that I recently lost my job. With no money coming in but with rent to pay, food to buy and a teenager to send  to school, I need a hand. He never used  to support me before,  but when I became unemployed I hoped  he would step up and help me out until I got another job. But that has not happened, even though  I asked him as my man  to help me.I don’t know what  to do now. All he wants  is sex and he is off.  He is enjoying his life with his wife,  and I am here all  alone and broke.I thought about leaving him out and getting someone else, but when  I think of trying  to meet someone new  and having to develop that relationship, I am scared.It’s not easy out there as a single woman trying to get a man. If he  is 40-plus and single,  he is either a player,  gay or divorced. If he is married, all he is looking for is a good time. And if you go in church to find someone, some men in there can be players, gay or on the down low. You have  to be so careful these days! That was why  I stayed with my friend  all these years, though  he was talking to someone else, because at least  I knew what sort  of man he was and what he stood for.But now I realise  I cannot continue allowing myself to be used like this. I am a woman who  likes a lot of loving,  and I always take  good care of my man.  I really deserve  better than this, but I am scared to walk away.

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