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DEAR CHRISTINE, I READ WITH great interest the letter carried in last week’s publication of a young man who was in love with his cousin. I know that these things do happen because I have found myself in a somewhat similar position.
In my case it is not a cousin, but my brother-in-law. It is easy to say forget the person because he or she may be a relative, but it is not as easy as it sounds. With matters of the heart, one may have the tendency to think with the heart and not the head. Common sense does not always come to the fore.
Here is my story. My sister and I have been close all through our lives, so much so that if either of us went out with a guy the other did not like, we soon dropped the fellow.
Well, there was one special guy whom the two of us liked, but he picked my sister.
I liked him also and was very glad when they got married. That was three years ago. The thing is, I have fallen totally in love with him and I know he is beginning to feel the same way about me. Whenever I go to their home and my sister is not there, he tries to make love to me.
I never took his playful kisses seriously when they first started, but now they are more than playful. Christine, I am living a nightmare and I am very upset. We care for each other, but we also care for my sister. What can I do?
You know, perhaps better than I do, what needs to be done. You also know what you’re doing is wrong and that’s the reason why you have penned this letter. However, you will not get any kind of encouragement from me.
You need to stop going to your sister’s home when she is not there. That’s the first thing! The second thing is to stop the kissing. It takes two to make a kiss meaningful so please don’t tell me that you “never took his playful kisses seriously when they first started and now they are more than playful”.
Also, from where I sit, I do not believe this man really cares about you the way you think. I believe he is playing you, perhaps with the knowledge that you have feelings for him. He is seemingly making fools of you and your sister; the bigger of the two being you. He will not break up with your sister to be with you.
If you truly love your sister, leave her husband alone and stop encouraging him in any way. This situation can get quite ugly; even to the point where it will ruin the affection you and your sister have for each other and hurt members from both sides of the family.
Find a man you can truly call your own. That’s common sense. In this case, quit thinking with your heart and use your head.