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DEAR CHRISTINE, We have one son who got married against our wishes when he was much too young.
After we realised he was bent on having his own way, we have done everything possible to get close to her but she keeps us at a distance.
When we visit, she barely manages to be polite. There is absolutely no sign of affection or even friendliness. Sometimes she is curt. It’s only because we do not want to break the ties we have with our son that we will visit occasionally. Of course, we never do unless we are asked.
Our son drops in to visit us on his own regularly and I have tried pointing out his wife’s attitude. He insists she means nothing by it and says we are too sensitive.
I do not know what to make of it all. I would really like to see an improvement as they are to have a child quite soon. My husband and I are looking forward to this.
Do you think I should have an outright confrontation with her?
It all depends on what you call confrontation. Remember that before she married your son, you had some objections. Of course, that would be enough to make her cold towards you.
What you should do is have a friendly chat with her and be honest. Let her know what you thought when your son first decided to marry her and let her know you have now accepted her as part of the family.
Drop in occasionally on your own and talk to her. Offer to help in any way that you can, and with a grandson or granddaughter on the way, tell her you’ll like to assist should she need any assistance. In addition, what about inviting her over to your home? From what you’ve written, you are the one who goes to her home.
It seems to me that they are both happy and if they are, I see no reason for you to be upset.