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I AM A REGULAR reader of your column. As a matter of fact, the first thing I read when I get THE NATION is your column, and I must say that I am very pleased with the advice you give.
I never thought I would have to write to you for advice but recently I found myself with a problem that is haunting me very much.
My girlfriend and I were going good all last year. In fact, we were really in love, but late last year, she began to change and became aggressive.
Well, I just could not figure it out so I began to accuse her of having another man and I stopped seeing her for a while. Later, I found out I was wrong and that there was not another man.
Christine, I found out I was wrong too late, because now that we have broken up, she is pregnant. I tried to talk to her to see if she would forgive me but to no avail. She does not want to see me nor talk to me. She says she doesn’t even care if I support the baby. Christine, she just hates me.
I realise how wrong I was and how much I love her and really do want her back, but there is nothing I can do, but just beg God to let her forgive me and take me back.
So Christine, that is my problem which I don’t have an answer for. Maybe your advice will be useful.
A regular barrage of accusation is always destructive and I imagine in her condition, she must even be more sensitive. You are going to have to give her some time for the hurt to heal.
There is no guarantee that she will take you back, but I guess it would help if you showed her as much kindness as possible without asking her for any favours in return.
With or without her, you should seek to support your child even now that it is on its way. Send her some money to buy things for herself and the baby.
Stop by briefly with some fruits or whatever you can afford.
This is not being material. It’s action put to the word love we so often spout around without doing anything with which to back it up.
Time and consistent kindness could win her again. In any case, it can’t do further harm and it should give you some sense of satisfaction to know that you have tried to make amends with deeds and not merely words, and most of all, that you are going to try and be a good father.